Musings about Teaching

Am beginning to lose faith in the system. Thinking perhaps it is time to throw in the towel. People who know me laugh at me when I tell them that, saying that's not me. Lol! I guess they forget that here is a limit called 'survival' and when that is breached it's just survival from then on. We are generally expected to be conforming.. either to a set of values, image for example.

My last few months have been a rollercoaster of sorts because of a teacher bully case who was my colleague. Having believed that such behaviour should not be tolerated by anyone, I foolishly stood up. And even when the signals were there that our value system has changed, I still steadfastly voiced out for action. But still that didn't deter me because I felt kids needed an advocate... for the right reasons. And so, I wasn't too perturbed even by the fact that I was transferred by a system that went against its own for something so serious like a teacher bullying students. I guess too verbal bullying is okay... the message from all those people with pangkat seems to indicate so.

Then recently, an academic cluster of excellence school, suffered a drop in its SPM results. The drop was marked enough for certain quarters to voice displeasure. And suddenly, there was this flurry of teachers being transferred. We suddenly began hearing teachers with good credentials and from the non-bumi race being transferred from their respective schools into the cluster school. Now these were Guru Cemerlang, teachers with C2 in their CPT exams (for English), teachers who were 'acknowledged' as being good by proof of APC.... Their schools are those normal day schools which struggle with less than sterling students. The cluster school meanwhile gets selected students with excellent results in the UPSR.

This is where it gets really interesting. For years, many of us were reminded that all teachers are the same in terms of ability. But this whole incident smacks a peculiarity that defies that perception. Suddenly we have this transfers of non-bumi teachers into a cluster school who over the years have been seen a decline in its non-bumi students as well as teachers. And of course, in the process of the transfers, you have bumi teachers who had to be transferred out to make way for former. And this takes place in March, at a time all schools have set into a routine.... not forgetting to the teachers on transfer who now find their very own lives disrupted to.

Then yesterday, I saw the extra classes list. The weather has been very punishing of late. Temperatures soaring to 38-39 degrees Centigrades in the afternoons, less than desirable conditions of the class because of the lack of fans as well as the design of the school which makes it into a perfect heat trapper, in the pursuit of CGPA, there is this demand for extra class. Now why does the admin of a school demand extra classes without consulting the teachers? And even in some cases where teachers insist that they do not want to hold the classes, they are forced upon them?

Of late, Principals keep reminding the teachers that they need to carry out these Program Peningkatan (read that as forced free tuition to be given by teachers after school hours) because PPD/JPN will demand an explanation from them if the results drop. So holding a Program Peningkatan will be proof that something has been done.

And that's where too I think we miss another point. The Program Peningkatan in most schools, I suspect is not running. Teachers are too tired. Students too. The classrooms are uncomfortable. We are making kids stay back after 7-8 hours of enforced learning in sweltering heat. Holding these extra classes are just not effective without proper rest.

Teaching time during school hours... how much of that is actually happening??? How much of it is wasted? Yet we tax the teachers without realising that it's the heart of the teacher for the students that actually makes the world of difference.

The heart of a teacher, the effort put into moulding a kid and imparting values... those are the important things. Yet what I am seeing, is a system lost in its own labyrinth, one that is of its own making. A system that has been eaten away by its own policies of segregating and compromising.

An illustration. In the teaching of languages for example, a student is supposed to learn a few short stories, poems and novels. So, what is a teacher supposed to do? Teaching novel is always one of the more difficult thing to do. So what I am now being made aware is there are teachers who are clueless how to get students to read those novels. Yet the school admin breathe down hard on them to produce results. So what some teachers do is they give the question to the students before the exam, sometimes complete with the answer. Students sit for the school exams, get good scores, marks look good on the score sheet... teacher gets breathing space.

One would think that the public exam should be able to weed these students out. Yet, as a teacher of almost 3 decades, I am constantly surprised by the number of As and passes that I  seem to be hearing from students who actually do not show those qualities of a Cemerlang student. A student who has trouble writing cohesive sentences now can score A and even A+. And so, we tap ourselves on our shoulders and tell the world how great our students are and how effective our efforts are.

But that all stops when these same students enter the job market. We begin to hear laments from the market about how incompetent or unmovable these now young adults are. This shouldn't be as the students were A scorers in the public exams. Where did we go wrong? Have we compromised so much that we no longer are able to discern what quality actually is? Or are we just proverbial ostriches with our heads in the sand?

And so, in trying to maintain grades, more rote learning, more extra classes... more of everything that produces mechanical thinking and disinterest in knowledge...

We did have a good education system once... in an era without the need of PAK21 models. Those days we had thinking teachers but more importantly, teachers who were dedicated and taught. We didn't need extra class.... and we didn't turn out too badly. There weren't laments from the employers about the quality of graduates... if there were laments, it was from the graduates who lament about the market not being able to provide employment opportunities because of economic downturns......

Mid Year... Another One Come By

Time flies when you are busy... and crawls when you are not.

Busy is the word these days and so time tends to feel like it is whizzing past. Ringgit is at a very low point. GST is in full swing. Cost of living is high and everyone feels the pinch. And petty issues hog the newspaper. Sarong, towel and even a guy in a cute pink shorts denied entry to KLIA office to claim a lost baggage. What is becoming of the country that we dwell on the outward appearance.

The royalties seem to be a little different this time around. A dig into the archives of an old treaty highlighting the right to secede, pardons for the activists who took part in an unlawful assembly back in 2009, an idealistic young man just back from Geneva to face a possible jail term... there might still be hope yet for us.

Being stuck... ever feel like you are stuck? Feel that a lot too. Institutions around us feel like jailhouses actually. Inequality resides in even the most sacred of them too. How does one get out of being institutionalised for life? Yet everyone of us is a jailbird, one way or another.

Adolescents.. how is that I feel there is a general deterioration of everything. Met many parents over the week too and this stood out. There are more disappointed and a number of angry ones. The reason... their kids. Kids seem less able to empathise with the struggles of their parents. Parents too don't seem to be able to connect with their kids. Majority suffer from the lack-of-time syndrome. Tuitions, school activities fill one end of the spectrum. The busyness of life fills the other. 15-year-olds still go to after-school-daycare. Parents can't leave them at home. Fifteen!!! Babysitting still needed.

I've done some new things too this year, things I never thought I would do. Learned a lot about bricks and mortars. There are so many types of cements out there! Sat and watched cranes and mixers work. But skills... oh, they still do matter a lot. Attention to big and small stuff... they sap your energy and attention span too.

Mid year.. mid term at midlife. The coming of the autumn of life...

Apple IOS Or Microsoft Windows

Windows 8 have just been unveiled... And reviews I have read says that post PC era is way from over cos apparently this new Windows have abilities of tablet and PC computing put together. Basically, for people like me, it simply means that I can have the mobility and versatility of the tablet and do stuff like photo editing on the same gadget. And that would be the most ideal. For all that I like about my iPad, it is still a dumbed down version of the computer which meets most of my daily needs but occasionally does not. So the new Windows sounds quite interesting.

Anyway, this is not a tech review. I have not been a (serious) PC user for the last few years, having migrated to Mac. I do carry a Netbook to work occasionally though. But I like my Mac. However, PC or Mac, I realized this. It's not just how superior the hardwares are in these machines. It's the operating system that powers the machines which makes all the difference. You can have the best hardware but if the OS is not up to par, it will still flop. There are many gadgets which went that way because their OS or content failed them. It's vice versa too.

Take a look around us. In Alor Setar, many things are not well maintained. Rubbish collection is not as good as before. Somewhere along the timeline, there was a change of operator and it has been on the decline since then. Rubbish collection is not so regular and the current operator leaves all these big bins everywhere which are eyesores as well as a place for the strays to congregate. The areas where the bins are located are smelly and unkempt as a result. The operator must have thought it easy for them to create a central location to throw rubbish, unwittingly psyching people to dump rubbish at that particular location. So despite having all the modern equipment, work is still not good. We have an operator in need of upgrades.

Schools, religious institutions, governments... It's the same. We read about brain drain in our country. Those brains are likened to the operating systems. We 'chase' away our best and brightest via preferential policies. In education, we dumb down students by making everything easier. We do not promote the best people for the job. Racial politics has seen to it that double standards remain. We create distinct separation lines by insisting that one race has more rights than others. Talent, the operating system, that powers a country is clipped. The same too is found in religious institutions. We give credence to those who say the things even one with no religious affiliation will find difficulty in comprehending. Often, we prefer to install an inferior OS not quite able to get the best out of the hardware. And that's happening everywhere.

Looking back into history at how the church was used to consolidate the powers of the kings, there is similarity too. Power is difficult to hold on to. But give it a religious tone, fear takes root. After all, the need to choose between heaven and hell makes it quite obvious that religion can be made a powerful tool to subjugate a population. The early rulers knew this too. Hence, history is filled with accounts how each ruler laid legitimacy to their throne via they being the sons of the gods. And this too compromised the operating system..... But I guess too that one could argue that the King is like the CPU needed to direct all the components to work....LOL! There are always two sides to a coin....

But a good operating system is essential for the forward drive, in any institution for anything. So Apple IOS Or Mac, in the end consumers would still go for the better one. For now, Apple has successfully incorporated form and substance and it's a winning formula. Who knows? Maybe Microsoft will be able to pull this from under them with their latest offering.

The OS that makes us? Aptitude and the rest of the long list called attitude.

For Our Kids...

I have this friend whom I always tease about always being stressed up over her kids for the slightest bit - that she'll 'si' for 'her gia' (die for her children). Parents love their children.... to a fault. And that's how we're made. So that babies (who are totally helpless) can survive. Parents will move mountains for their kids. This is one of God's truly awesome order in life...I guess in part also to mirror the relationship that we are supposed to have with Him... that God the Father loves us, His children. That He'll do anything to save us. That we need Him.... but I guess this part we tend to forget.

A parent will go to great lengths, no... all lengths for their kids. Their kids are their source of joy and pride. Many reasons for that, I guess. Their kids are supposed to carry their legacy... Our kids will be what's left of us in this world someday. One of my favourite songs is Martina McBride's, In My Daughter's Eyes. That's how many of us will see our kids... our legacy, we see who we might be in them.

And therein lies the problem too....

A parent can agree to many things (in fact, anything) for the sake of his/her child. Janji, his kid turns out alright. A parent will drive his kids anywhere to get good tuitions or teacher, anytime... they'll even hang around to wait for 2 hours (or even longer) for their kids to finish their classes. Every parent worries about their kid going astray and in those worrisome years, they'll do anything to keep their kids on the path.

Parents will bolot the best places for their kids. My friend tells me of this in her son's school. It's common practice that mothers bring food for their kids during the school break. What happens is these mothers will reserve an area for their kids in the school canteen and will then and refuse other kids a seat even though the space is there. As a result an area of exclusivity is created.... in the school canteen! We too are creating our own versions of little emperors and empresses.

In church too we see leaders keeping silent or 'reserving' certain areas of service for their children. As a result some kids get left out... somehow, there is this selfishness in each of us when it comes to our kith and kin. Cos we want to feel proud to see our son or daughter up there.... acknowledged. We want them to feel needed, of use, etc, etc.

But something from the Scriptures came to mind lately... one of Jesus agonizing in the Garden of Gethsamane, when He asked whether the cup of suffering could be taken from Him and His subsequent crucification on the cross; when He uttered this, "My God! My God! Why has thou forsaken me?" The Father denied his Son on the cross so that there is victory; that we gain life... that's what probably sums up my Christian faith for me. Redemption from my sins, the act of God the Father denying His Son, for that seemingly moment of eternity. There is no Christian faith if Christ did not die on the Cross. And this is where I begin to draw the comparisons sometimes of our actions as parents sometimes...

In church, when we make 'exclusive' certain roles for our kids (this often happens in smaller churches), or when we stop trying to provide that sort of opportunity to train the young who are not ours, we deny them their 'redemption'. Kids need affirmation. Many need extra prodding. They need to know that it's alright to not to be able to play perfectly their musical instruments, for example during worship sessions. They need to be acknowledged; that their presence is just as welcomed as the church leaders' kids... even honoured. That sort of feelings that we all seek.... acceptance, a sense of belonging, etc, etc. Yet very often, in this particular area, our faith is not translated into actions. We show our selfish side by not denying our own children the stage. And perhaps that is why too Paul said that it is better for us not to be married if we want to be effective in serving him.. so that we remain focussed.

I am brought back to my very own MYF counsellor who remained single. I understand his commitment to us much better today in relation to what Paul said in the Bible. For those 4-5 years (the 15-20 year-olds we were); while we remained under his charge, we were his children. He favoured us as every parent would his kid, cos having no kids of his own... we were his. As a result, each of us had that sort of opportunity that you would expect a parent would want his kid to get. Us, parents always find it difficult to deny our own kith and kin.... it's just so difficult. There is just this 'ga-gi-gor-ga-gi' (in Hokkien means take care of ownself) that will definitely rear its head....

But there are also instances where we'll deny others for our kids sake. Either way, the compelling reason is the same... their kith and kin. I can't say that it's wholly bad but I see a lot of negative too, especially when one in the position of authority does it. We fail ourselves and our flock. Or in some other cases, when one's feelings become the wall that blocks out everything else including reason.

For our kids... sometimes I think matters of faith becomes a tool for our own selfish purposes. I've lost friends over the matters of faith. I've had moments of cynicisms because of its portrayal by people I look up to; because of the kids.... si hor gia.

Easter thoughts...

With a pinch of salt...

Do you believe everything (or most things) that you read from the Web? There are many people who seem to think that every thing they read or video they view is gospel truth.

I've been receiving lots of mail and links about this and that, have friends post cautions on FB too... Most of them mean well; they want to pass along helpful cautions and tips.

I remember reading about a python swallowing a 16-year-old boy in Taman Negara. It was a hoax but many actually believed it. Recently I received an email concerning Burundanga, a drug which if you touch will render you helpless. Such kinds of news are made more believable because they are sent by our friends. One reason why viral marketing works great is because we share all these supposedly must know and good stuff with the people in our social network.

What about testimonials of people? Sometimes you get email about what a person says about his faith only to find out later that it's just half truths or even worse, no truth. The point is, these days truth can be masked and untruths can be passed on as truths. And we are no better than before... Too much information can bring about more headaches too.... one pinch of salt may not enough often times. LOL!

Cannot...

Ever wonder how things will be if a child learning to walk or talk decides that he cannot learn (to walk or talk)?

One has to have a can do attitude if one wants to have a go at life... a baby is born, he just has to get used to eating solids, take his first steps, etc, etc... till he enters into the world. This is the stage where you get all the 'I can(s)' but somehow along the way we lose more of the I can to be replaced with its negative partner.

I cannot sounds harmless but sometimes it does things to us... subtly. We become what we think or feel...

'I cannot...' here refers to the spontaneous response that seems to swell from within us when we are faced with new ways of thinking, doing things, new food, basically things out of the ordinary or the routine. And it afflicts us as we grow older... The more I observe my surrounding, the more I notice how averse people are actually to change. And I am not much different too, often.

Sometimes, I think we're just too lazy to learn something new... you know learning new things involves changes too... 8) It's easier to say I cannot. Sometimes we just do not want to disturb our status quo... we are wary of changes. Sometimes, we cannot cos to go the other way round means giving up a way of life... there are many other reasons.

A lot of older people say they cannot learn how to use the computer. Not too long, I helped troubleshoot with a friend's mom a glitch in her Skype... now this is a lady who is in my parents' gen... who has phobia for anything related to computers. But through the phone I managed to coach her to get her Skype working again... She was game to try cos you see... the need to use the apps is there... to see her grandkids and daughter. So, in situations like this, one goes to great trouble... and still can conquer the little hills. 8)

"I cannot"... very often creates crutches for us, even incapacitates..... limits our potential and sometimes even stop us dead in our tracks!

Of sons and daughters...

"These days, even us, Chinese are beginning to feel that daughters are better than sons. Sons get married and follow their wives. They seldom come home to see their parents or show concern about their parents well-being." .. the conversation was between a Malay (lady) bank officer and her Chinese (man) client. I was forced to eavesdrop cos they were talking so loudly.

Sons... they are important cos they carry the family surname. Sons are supposed to take care of their parents. Married sons used to live with their parents. They are expected to take care of their parents. A husband could divorce his wife if she does not produce a son.... (I guess they didn't know the story of the boy sperm and girl sperm). Women used to take more crap when ignorance ruled.

Enter the 21st century. My parents' generation are beginning to find out that their emancipated daughters generally show more concern about their well-being. Daughters are more likely to check on their parents, get into action to see to their needs, call regularly just to chat.

Sons on the other hand seems to act only when a call is made out, an SOS sent or a prodding from their sisters. I hear many laments from parents about sons these days. And they're mostly the same... that their sons don't seem to show much concern about them and that they seem to show more concern to their wife's family. So, these parents naturally felt dejected.

Where once daughters married into her husband's family and had no other means, today's daughters have their own independence. Many actually have their own means. Some even wear the pants of the family. With practice from dealing with bigger things at work and also dough in their pocket, they are able to do more for themselves and their parents. I think confidence level among women has never been higher.

Sons and daughters... I also hear a lot of the older generation telling themselves and their friends, sometimes to the younger generation.... daughters are better than sons. It used to be parents were assured that their sons will take care of them in their old age. But these days, many are realizing that their daughters seem to show more promise. Many hearts are disappointed... many values are at the verge of being reshaped.

Sons, daughters... I think they should show the same concern for their parents. Sons could do more, I feel. But men usually want the least problems in their lives. Wives and in-law relationships have always tended to be stickier. Today's wife no longer want to be subjected to her mother-in-law. Mini frictions tend to lead to tensions which bring on cracks in the relationship. And the wife inadvertently steers away from her in-laws, with her sometimes oblivious (sometimes conveniently) husband in tow. There used not to be any choice cos sons were expected to live with their parents. So, things had to work out regardless.... It's not their sons don't care. Men tend be more oblivious often times or it could be they just find all this emotional intricacies too much of a hassle. So, the kind of concern that a parent would hope from their sons... it's just hard to find it materializing.

Bottom line - relationships are difficult. Even though it's among 2 sets of parents and their offsprings joined in matrimony, to get a synchronous and harmonious relationship is already complicated enough.

The Pitfalls of Grandparenting...

Doting grandparents... that's what the kids of this gen are experiencing. But grandparenting as we know it today is actually a new phenomena. In the 18th century, you would be lucky if you lived past the age of 35. By the turn of the 20th century, the figure had risen to 50. 50 years of age is considered relatively young by today's standard. 2000 years ago, if you lived to the age of 25, you'd be considered old. The most famous mummy (as in mummified body), King Tut was believed to have lived 17 years. He'd probably be considered as having a 'normal' lifespan back in his days. And that's also one reason why people married early those days. In China girls were betrothed as young as 7, some at infancy!

Grandparents actually are good for our kids. They carry with them a wealth of life's experiences... many grandparents actually lived through tumultuous periods like WWII. They've seen how life has changed dramatically and are the living artifacts of wealth of wisdom (many times over) to pass on.... yet there are pitfalls of grandparenting as I'm seeing.

All my grandparents lived beyond 80. My maternal grandmother even hit beyond the century mark. But I saw very little of her in her last years... that's one of my regrets in life. I have the clearest recollections of her of all my grandparents; wry and small stature, I would tower over her even when I was 12; she'd tell us to pick any toy (my uncle ran a sundry shop) we fancied from those hanging in the shop during our visits. As she grew older, she spent most of her time on a wooden box (those that they use to transport fish) outside the shop, puffing away on her home-rolled cigarette. She would even let us try and taught us how to roll it. The kid in me enjoyed sitting with her sometimes, listening to her ramble, in her China Hokkien which I had difficulty understanding. And the teenager in me used to wonder what went through her mind as I watch her from near and afar, a silent figure on the box. Sometimes I'd sit with her.

A longer life expectancy and greater demands of today's life also means children are making more demands on their grandparent-stage parents. Better health grand also contributes. Many grandparents have been asked to take care of their grandchildren while their parents keep to their busy schedule. It's parenting second time over... not a very good idea, I personally feel.

I think parenting is part of our rites of passage. Parenting has a role in our lives. It forces us to take responsible for lives other than our own. That actually sets off and cements a whole series and chains of self realization. It helps us appreciate our own parents too. Take that away from a young couple, and you delay their 'growing up'. One can never fully understand how much crap they gave their own parents until their own kids start giving them the same. One would never be able to give the smug advice until they realize that teenagers can be the greatest challenge to unconditional love and perseverance.... in the process make you realize how unconditional the love of your parents to you too!

Grandparents should be grandparents. They should dot on their grandchildren, spoil them even but as grandparents and not their primary caregivers. Cos second time around as 'parents' too they tend to be more accommodating; often at the cost of discipline. The result is grandchildren who can tend to be rather spoilt. And sometimes a lot of blaming takes place too...

Grandparents... kids this generation are a blessed lot. They have more than one set of people who love them!

Blame Game...

Having a marginal man at home can be very tiring... the blame game is one of those games they seem to be playing whenever they don't get to do (have) the things they want. And it's a tiring game for the long suffering parents.

Blame game... it's one of those games you don't have to teach kids the rules. They're all naturals at it. It's one of the games they perfect without the need for coaching. But not one which we should encourage them to play well. Try get a kid up early (early by their definition is 9 a.m.) and they will blame the parents for not letting them sleep enough because they went to sleep at 2 a.m. You try telling them to sleep earlier and they'll blame you for not understanding that all their friends stay up that late. There's always something to blame...

You bug them to do their revision and they blame you for putting stress on them. I could go on and on but the blame game continues.... actually everyone of us play this game too.

Blame game usually begins with a volley of phrases like "You said..., You told me..., You don't understand..." Once you serve them, the blames go into play.... and it's a ball which carries many unpleasant things.

We play the blame game too, legacy of our growing up, of being human. And we still play it because of many reasons.... but all the reasons point to one same thing. We refuse to assume responsibility for our own actions... much easier to be the persecuted one, the lost one...

Blame game destroys relationships; they also destroy us. They shatter trust and break hearts. When you blame, your mind set is one that you've been wronged, cheated, led on, treated unfairly (which is the most common with the marginal man) etc, etc... It's difficult to change that sort of mindset once the ball is rolling.

We are often participants of this game... doing the serving and also the receiving. Not too long ago, I was on the receiving end... and yup, it kinda broke my heart. But with it too came the realization that it was time for me to move on.... for without any softening of the stance, the blame has too much potential to grow. But it taught me that I should try never to serve blames unless I want to destroy a relationship....

Many years ago, someone convinced us to use the services of a particular interior decorator... we lost quite a bit sum because that fler ran off with our money. It was a lot to us back then as we were just starting out. As much as I would like to blame this someone cos it shifts my own foolishness in trusting the guy (we were idiotic enough to believe his pleas that he needed some cash to get his thing going) and also losing our money on this someone, I refrained from ever verbalizing it to her in person. It wasn't easy and I'm no saint. Cos somehow, I know if the situation were reversed, we'd probably get an earful and be made to feel bad probably for a long, long time..... there have been times when I very much wanted to out of geramness...

How to get out from this blame cycle? Was listening to a speaker at church yesterday night... we are always reminded of the need to confess our sins to God, to assume responsibilities for our actions.... it's the same for this blame game; there's a need for us to resolve the matter, say sorry sometimes to end the game.

My boy got me on this blame game roll of thoughts recently... Boy! I didn't know that there are so many things that we, as parents can get blamed for... the marginal minds can be very creative and evasive. But then again, marginal or no, I guess there isn't much difference between us, the supposedly adults and them too..... my two sen today. Only difference is, I still have not given up on him yet.... blood still thicker... LOL! ... but getting more diluted too...

Thankful For Distractions

These past few weeks have been filled with enough distractions to fill a year but I am glad for them. At a time when I needed some breathing space, there were enough activities to keep me occupied, to the point of exhaustion if I may add. It's like a holiday for the mind. LOL!

It started with a whole week of sun and tan... it's a little crazy, I know but it gave all of us something other than just the 4 walls and students to face. Routine and boring.

And despite the best of intentions, things aren't what they seem. As a result trust suffered a big dent. I was naive on 2 fronts. So where I used to tread freely, I now know there actually exist clear boundaries. I wish I had known earlier but how could I when I was led to believe otherwise. But I see the good of knowing than not.

But then the excitement of the games... the adrenaline highs. And FB allowed the sizzles of the euphoria of winning to last a little longer. It made me appreciate that I can still do the things that I do... these things which I take for granted, but should not. Our time line is exhaustible.

After that was back to catching up with work; and there was quite a bit of it. I had to turn down a request from an old friend to go to Langkawi to do some writing for the coming week. Sorry, old friend. 8( Would have been great to be able to catch up.

Events out of the usual continue to pop up, and for that I am thankful cos it has allowed me to move out of my disillusionment and move on. Nothing is permanent and I've come to accept that quite readily.... Even life is temporary! 8)

I kinda liked what one of the young people wrote.....

.....the one true person you can rely on is none other than God. Of course, family and friends play a super duper important role, but nothing can beat having a someone who is omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient. Someone permanent....

.......that's from Sarah

Distractions... never thought I'd be thankful for them but thankful I am! 8)

If we are not prepared to be wrong...

What does this actually mean - if we're not prepared to be wrong? I remember years ago, I was only a rookie in my job. One day my new boss came up to me and asked whether I knew how to use the computer. Back in the 1990s, most people were still computer illiterate. I said I was okay with it... 8) Actually I had a good back-up in my Other Half! LOL!

In the ensuing weeks, as he talked more to me, he started throwing ideas at me. Finally, one day he asked me if I could set up a media room using computers as the main teaching aid. I said I would go back and think about it. He came back to me a couple of days later and I told him I thought it was possible. But I needed money... quite a large sum in fact, to work with. I expected him to say it would be difficult but he surprised me and got a cheque written out for the sum that I requested. I spent the next few weeks procuring the equipment. And a couple of months later, we had one of the first media room with a LCD projector. He was prepared to be wrong with me... I may not have delivered. But instead of focusing on the possibility that I might bungle up, he chose to take the risk.... I owe him much of my professional development.

If he had not prepared to be wrong, I would probably not have gone into all these stuff to do with computers. This path led me to various courses at various institutions for the next couple of years and it gave me the exposure of possibilities beyond my wildest imagination... and he fought for me to be included, despite he getting stares from his own counterparts. You see, at most of these courses, there would be very few Chinese. He was truly colour blind! It spurred me on to pick up more related skills and today those skills have enabled me to do things which I'd never have imagined 20 years ago!

With our kids and the crazy number of tuitions that they are attending now, with our hectic family life, relationships in and out of the home, in matters of faith, at work... I think this same principle applies. If we are not prepared to be wrong, we'll never know what our kids can achieve or whether an idea we have will bear fruits, or even if our leap into faith will effect that sort of change in our lives.... if we are not prepared to be wrong, then very often, we'll never know. And sometimes that in itself condemns us to losing everything in the end.

Looking Good...

You know, almost every someone I know has a daughter or son studying medicine. Medicine seems to be the choice vocation for many now. And parents scrooge and save to send their kids for this really expensive course! And lately I am hearing of so many people going for lifts... eye, breast, nip and tuck kinda thing. The quest for eternal youth. So, if you want your kids to earn loads of $$$, tell them to take up plastic surgery.

Ever wonder why we don't see so many grandfathers and grandmothers out with their grandkids now? Most of grandparents look very young these days. They don't look like grandparents. LOL! Of course some are blessed with naturally youthful genes. But for many of us, it takes real effort.... and lately pain too, going under the knife and bearing with the discomfort and pain sometimes for days.

Nip and tuck, botox, wonder creams, tattoos, hair colouring, waxing, chemical peels, body wrap, lip plumping... I guess growing old gracefully is kinda archaic now. People will just suddenly look very old... or not at all. I guess most of us is into looking good all the way to the little casket which will be our final home for our earthly body.

So who makes all the money, and we are talking amounts running into hundreds of thousands here for some individuals? Beauticians, hair dressers and the plastic surgeons who practise lifestyle medicine and not reconstructive surgery.... so if you want your kids to earn tonnes of $$$ this is where they should head. Of course you are more likely to be sued as well but that's still quite a distant away where Malaysia is concerned. Our malpractice laws still tak berapa ada...

So, looking good... life's process has now taken an articial twist... you don't grow old (well, at least you don't look your age). You just drop dead 'looking young'. How's that for a pseudo presentation of youth, huh? Since we can't find the elixir of youth, the chemicals and 'knife' of youth also will do-lah! 8) Temporary halt! LOL!

And looking good... I've friends telling me they don't swim now cos the chlorine in the pool will wreck their hair and skin, playing games will expose their body to the harsh sun and freckles will appear. Exercise has taken a more elegant twist too... it's gone indoor for all these people. There's another lady who says she doesn't go out once the sun is high. If she needs to, big umbrellas, hats will be her companions. The quest for eternal youth... I wonder whether I'll go that path...

Migration anyone?

Migration is as old as the human race. Nah! I'm not thinking of it. My grandparents came from China. It was a difficult decision but they did it because life in Nanyang was full of better promises. So, all my grandparents (maternal and paternal) came in a boat at a young age. They settled in different places, though. The China they left behind was a China in ruins... in part from the gwai-low (westerners) and in part, the decay stemming from within the Chinese civilization itself. The final destruction may have been externally inflicted but was also internally induced.

That migration cut them off from their families in China. Ties were lost. I never remembered anyone of them ever talked about seeing their parents again. There were some attempts to reconnect with my paternal grandfather's brother's family but it never got beyond a few visits. And it was done by my late aunty and uncle's families. My grandfather never did see his brother's family again. His family history was one from riches to rags tale; a tale of the fall from nobility to ordinary peasants. As that of China's at that time.

Migration today! It's still happening. The reasons which drive the migration remains almost the same even though surrounding circumstances may not be so bad anymore. Many of my friends have migrated... unlike the earlier wave, my gen's wave headed towards the west. Again, for better promises and hope.

Modern technology has enabled families to remain in touch but basically, many ties are severed too. Many of these young people study overseas and remain there. So, once in a year or sometimes in many years, they come back for a visit. Ties become loose over the years and very often, they get severed. It's not uncommon to hear the older folks lamenting that their children no longer come home.

Migration becomes more possible when the kids are sent overseas, usually for their tertiary education. And most of them like it there. How not to if one spends his formative years in a foreign land. Add that to the better opportunities that avail themselves, many stay on. Then they get married and have kids. Before long, the roots grow quite deep.

So, migration old and new... they have the same effect. On those who migrate - the promises of hope. For those who remain and miss their off springs - broken and pining hearts and sometimes, emptiness.... Kinda sad...

Midlife Crisis, Anyone?

Midlife crisis... boredom, discontent, questions, confusion, marked sometimes by irrational behaviours and decisions. Sometimes this crisis is brought about by the mundane of our lives. Midlife crisis was first identified by Carl Jung, one of the founding fathers of Analytical Psychology.

Growing up, I used to hear 'stories' about so and so dumping his/her family and running off with some (wo)man, or so-and-so becoming a cynic, etc, etc. Later, psycho studies at uni gave 'a more plausible meaning' to the many stories I used to hear in my younger days.... they call it midlife crisis!

We go through changes in midlife... more graying hair, the blurring of our 'close-up' vision... generally one can feel the subtle downhill slide of one's physical abilities. I am feeling that too. Add that to the pressures of midlife... jobs, mortgages, parenting, desires vs responsibilities... I supposed it can also be one bewildering time! It is also the busiest time of one's life... if my own life is anything to go by. Very often I wish there are more than 24 hours in a day so that I can do everything that I want to do.

I guess one does go through some sort of turbulence. You can label it crisis, questioning, boredom, etc, etc time but I supposed being at midlife would place many of us squarely in the 'crisis zone'. Something akin to those juvenile years again. Only this time, you are supposed to be more in control but for some it's not to be.... or you could just be too busy to realize.

Midlife for a marriage is supposed to be a difficult time too. More commitments, stress and parenting issues we have to deal with. And in the midst of it, couples sometimes drift apart. You are more familiar yet more impatient with each other. But I think if we can move beyond that, it can also be a time of discovery. Like wine, marriage can actually get better with age! 8)

I am enjoying my life with my Other Half more now than before... we seem to communicate better and I like the openness that we share. There's a better understanding.. we work well together in many sense. We do a lot many things together and it goes beyond the family... I like the way we've been able to step into each other's shoes quite easily. It's a nice feeling.

Both of us work... it adds stress to a growing family cos often there seems so little time for so many things we want to do. Weekends never seem to last as long as we'd like them to. It can be quite demanding but still we can squeeze in doing things together. We've done 2 in recent days... working together to set up a website for the church and designing, printing and making wedding cards for a wedding.... it's nice to be able to work on something together and also laugh together.

Those dreamy days not too long ago... the dreams that brought two lives together. We've grayed, grown older, added more pounds.. and supposed to be entering a 'crisis period' of our lives. But nah! I'd like to think of my midlife still as an adventure... not one of boredom. That I can still feel the passion for the important people and causes in my life. That I am still building my dreams and life with my Other Half, and together; heading towards eternity with the same hope that I've always had. My sense of awe at new discoveries and feelings... my life still a constant moving ahead for the better. And despite the inevitable limitations, I'd still be creating new horizons and limits for myself (and Other Half). So midlife is not too bad of life's adventure where I am concerned.... and no more a crisis than life is to everyone of us regardless of which stage we're in. My ramblings for today...

Restless Lip Syndrome

Ever heard of Restless Lip Syndrome? Well this is a person who keeps interrupting a conversation and cannot stop talking about herself. I didn't know they have a term for such characters. Just learned it from Urban Dictionary the other day. LOL! Urban jungle that we're in and the urban terms that I'm learning every day.

Anyway, these are people who are full of themselves and inadvertently always seem to divert attention to themselves. I think most of us have friends like this. They're not your regular attention seekers but also attention divert-ers. Cos once they come into the midst of your conversation, most if not all the attention will divert to them. And very often because their skills are so well honed after so many years at it, you don't realize it until a little late.

So how do they divert attention? It's either through great story telling skills... stories by them usually contain the extremes of both ends which will captivate your imagination. Or they'll be great jokers... there are always some good jokes from them which will have you in stitches. Or through the tugging at the strings of your heart. Sometimes they portray a picture of total helplessness. You see we are created with this capacity for good works... so when we see a soul in need, it's an automatic response to offer assistance. And for the males, there is nothing like getting a good dose of this 'I'm the knight in shining armor" feeling from such 'damsels' in distress. Whatever the point, these are the centre stage occupiers, the spotlight 'hog-gers'. Restless lips.... they are!

Their interest in their friends last as long as how their friends can entertain their restless lips. Like everyone else, I've had my share of such 'friends'. Fun as they may be, I've found them to be quite undependable as friends and definitely dispensible. They're mostly good for the hee-hee-ha-ha times... you know, the sort of friends which fits the "laugh and the whole world laughs with you..." adage.

But I supposed if one could look beyond, then one perhaps might see that they too need to be pitied for the way they 'corner' themselves in the end... Restless Lips Syndrome, chic term!

Different Worlds

I grew up with this staple diet of the TV series, Different World, (1987- 1993) It was a spin-off from the Cosby Show, one of my favourites. What struck me was the world that it introduced me to; the world of the blacks in America. And it subtly promoted the virtues of higher education to the African American youths at a time when the many blacks were being plagued by problems like unplanned pregnancy, date rape, racial discrimination, AIDS and gang life.

Different worlds... the world's of the whites and the blacks. That struck me then. Two different worlds!

I think my children's world is an insulated world. Insulated from the 'lack-of-needs'. I'd say theirs is a world of more-than-enough. Remember Silver Spoons? But my son might argue and say that his friends get 'this' and 'that' which he doesn't get and because of that he leads a deprived life. 'This' and 'that' refers to high-end mobiles, cars and more $$$ which is the very reason why I think theirs is an insulated world. The lack of deprivation contributes to some form of depravity?

Enter the world of where 'life-is-a-constant-struggle-because-that's-my-fate (takdir). This is a world where you are resigned to your lot in life. A possible scene. A family of 5 - mom is a housewife but occasionally takes on some jobs. Dad is a labourer who drifts in and out of jobs. Eldest kid is 25 but didn't even complete his Form 3. Married at 19 with 2 kids, he's now selling handphones. His wife doesn't work. He is trying to make ends meet and finding it tough. Rarely does he give his family any financial support.

2nd kid is a daughter is 22 and she dropped out earlier because of a boyfriend. She got married at 16 after finding out she's pregnant. She is now divorced and living with her parents with her daughter. Third kid is another daugther. She is 18. She dropped out of school for a while when she was in Form 4 to work to help ends meet. But she's a bright girl. She did okay for her Form 5. For a kid like this, there is no other option except to continue to Form 6. So she pleaded with her family to allow her to study. They let her with a heavy heart for the 'loss' of her income is really felt. But soon the parents pressure her to stop. They tell her, this is your lot in life. This is your fate. You can't change your fate. Just accept it. Quit school and go to work. Don't have all these lofty ideas in your head about studying. It's not going to change your fate.

The above is fictitious but written with encounters in real life that I've had over the years. You'd think in Malaysia which is becoming more kiasu by the day, everyone would at least understand that an education creates a path for more opportunities. But sadly, in such worlds where fate rules, it's hard to get yourself out of your world into the other worlds. Every step you take to get yourself out of that vicious cycle is mired with obstacles. Fate becomes the excuse for everything, encouraged by ignorance!

Different worlds - my children's and those who think fate put them in theirs.

The Seeds We Sow...

... and we are now reaping the fruits. Seeds are small... but the fruits from those seeds are usually many hundred times bigger than their origins. And that is exactly what is happening to Malaysia now. Small evils becoming big evils...

We are always talking about benchmarking... so here's a few questions to ponder.

1. Is the civil service more corrupt now?
2. Do we have more integrity in our public and private lives now?
3. What is the perception of the public towards our police?
4. What do you think is the most likely answer if we ask about the independence of our judiciary?
5. Is the government today considered by the majority as a clean government?
6. Are our politicians trustworthy?
7. Do you think there is abuse of power at every level of the civil service?
8. Do you think the authorities act in a very high handed manner often?
   
9. Do you think our civil servants are people with good integrity and morals?

For too long, we've closed an eye, okayed questionable morals and practices, allowed the rot to set in, compromised on what is right and just. And the little evils that we have been condoning are today hastening to become big evils. Pacts made with the little devils are bearing fruits for their master.... huge fruits!

We justify everything.. then we proclaim it in righteous voices they are 'right'. Take a look at this. Guess what a bunch of journalist for a supposedly religious-based magazine did? They went undercover, purportedly to uncover, again purported conversions... but what they did next was totally unacceptable. They partook of the Holy Communion and then spat it out, photographed it and published it in their magazine. Going undercover for a story... that's fine. But taking it a couple of steps further like this? It tells me that these journalist are willing to stoop low enough to sell their own souls too for I am sure their faith would not have condoned such behaviour. The Editor, journalists... they peddled their souls to sell their papers.. all done in the name of their faith. Emotions stoked, magazines sell like goreng pisang... $$$$ made and power base built!

Then the 30% fare increase.... am still trying to make sense of it. I hear TNB will be raising its tarriffs soon too... they say it's gas prices this time. Anyway, they'll be another round of price increase soon after... everyone has to make a living! If we're not careful, we'll become Zimbabwe sooner than we realize it. Seeds of greed....

And oh ya! While we are this, there's this guy who seems to imply that Teoh Beng Hock's death shouldn't be a big issue. What's one death? No big deal even with the shroud of mystery surrounding it.. a shroud that might involve gahmen agencies... seeds of injustice bearing fruit now?

The seeds we sow... look around us. What kinds of seeds are we sowing? Cos if it's integrity we sow then integrity we'll get, honesty we sow then honesty we get. But if it's greed we sow, then all other little hells will break lose... greed causes us to go down those rotten paths like murder, lying, cheating, abuse, bullying - the anak-pinak of greed goes down to the cucu-cicit quite easily and readily.

As in the case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.. when Jekyll gave in to his carnal wishes, he finally lost himself to Hyde... the power, strength, youthful vigour in Hyde was too much to resist and Jekyll succumbed. And the evil that perpetuated from Hyde was terrible.. the whole of London lived in fear. But Jekyll lost everything in the end, including his life.

I guess such kind of ending would make the Devil most happy... cos he would gain an extra follower in his fiery kingdom for his pleasure - watching this wretched soul writhe in pain, thirst and hunger. Very apt don't you think? In life, the wretched one makes others suffer and watches on and gloats... In the world to come, his 'master' would watch him suffer with pleasure too. What goes around will come around....

Invest in what you know...

This is what Warren Buffet lived by.... invest in what you know. And at a time when the world was all about the dotcom success, he stayed away because he said he did not understand its dynamics. So, when the dotcom bubble burst in the 90s, he was not one of those casualties... Good advice; invest in what you know.

My idea of good investments.. these are few from many.

Family. They are pillars of our society. There are our pillars. Who do you call when you are in trouble? Yup! Your family! If the fabric of families start to tear, I guess the society would too. It already is. More single moms/dads. More children out wedlock. More teenage parents. We're so technologically superior compared to the previous generation but the values somehow have gone into regression. Family members drift apart now... children abandon parents, parents abandon children. And the permissiveness of the society also sees more and more opting for the open lifestyle.... live together, no ties.... but these days... it's a real challenge. To build a family, too many of everything and too little of time.

Children. They are our future. Kids are a joy to have... But they are major responsibilities.. Time is something we have very little with them. And before we know it, they're all grown up. They are our hope.. we pass our batons to them. But these days... with everyone so busy, we see so little of each other. It used to be only the dads were busy... these days, the moms are too and the children sometimes lead a life more packed than their parents. We squeeze in as many cramming sessions as possible to ensure that they enter the best schools, the best universities.... Korea and Japan have taken it to new heights but I think we're not that far behind. So, where are our kids heading??

Education is the greatest eradicator of many things... ignorance, poverty just to name a few. Invest in a good education. This is sadly lost on the younger generation now. But if you picked any one of them and asked them, they'd probably agree with you that education is a good investment. However, when it comes down to actually getting down to it.... they're quite lost. Education is not just about the A(s). It's also about the skills you pick up along the way... it's also about the values as well. It's about lifelong learning... the love for knowledge, the quest for betterment... But in the chase for the academic glory, most of these are pushed in to the background... sometimes you see a bit of them, other times they just fade away, overshadowed by the A(s)....

Faith. They are the lighthouse of our lives, without which we'll be lost. Faith is also like that little compass that points us to the right direction; it steers us back onto the path when we go sesat. And heaven is where our treasures are laid.

But today, there're two extremes which we're seeing... on one end we've droves of people abandoning it, believing in their own sufficiency.On the other hand, we see those who seem more pious but are so bogged down by their hypocrisy.

But I believe investing in faith is investing in eternity.. this is perhaps the most important investment of all cos investing in the soul is the surest thing of all.

So, investment... a good investment is investing in what you know. And I believe these are good investments.

Lost...

This happened yesterday... I was happily driving home when I saw my friend standing by the roadside. Thinking that something might be amiss, I stopped to enquire. That stop took up my next 2 hours.

A middle-aged lady was sitting on the grass. Another elderly lady was standing with friend. I asked what was wrong. The problem: the middle-aged lady was 'lost' and she didn't sound 'right'. She rambled in 'old' Hokkien to which I could little comprehend. Her toothlessness also made it difficult. We could only get bits of info which seemed to bring us on a bush-run... not just round the bush. But this we established... she was lost and she did not have full control over her mental faculty! Thus began our 2 hours with her under the tree on a hot afternoon. And I hadn't taken my breakfast yet!

Friend wanted to get her something to eat. Since I was still sitting in my car, I volunteered. Bought her a pau and a packet of milo. She ate the pau minus the meat. No teeth, so cannot chew. Then the 3 of us proceeded to dig more information from her. We got no where. Leaving her seemed so wrong. So in the end, I dialled 999 and asked them what to do. Gave my name and was connected to the police.

Was pleasantly surprised that a patrol car came in 15 minutes... I was starting to think that maybe our police force boleh tahan. The 2 police officers were nice enough. They gave her 2 boxes of drinks and talked to her. I managed to get the lady's name. Even managed to get info that she had gotten an jab from a clinic in town. But sadly, one of the police officers just wrote it on a piece of paper and left it in her pile of rubbish that she had collected in the morning. We had to 'insist' the info upon the second pair of police officers who appeared at the scene later with 2 more lady officers.

It took more than half an hour of waiting for them to show up. The waiting was bad enough. But it was the attitude of the police officer in charge which I found appalling. The first thing he said after a 'brief Q & A' was the lady was not 'mad'. And he didn't even speak her language. How did he establish that? Everyone of us could see that she was not normal. It was easy to see that these police didn't want to take her to the relevant authorities. Trying to pass her off as normal so that they didn't have to take the next step.

So I asked him about procedures.... what should be done for people like her. He said he didn't know (Duh!! What police officer doesn't know such procedures?). Then I asked him whether it would be appropriate to send her to the hospital for a check up (her toes were swollen) and for an assessment by the psychiatrist. He was reluctant and kept saying she was not 'mad'. I then said we should not leave her alone as she might be raped or robbed again. She had been relieved of her ear rings and chain it seemed; I found out in those lucid moments when she switched between the present and past worlds. Then I asked whether it was possible for the Welfare Department to step in... The same police officer mumbled something about you know how troublesome it would be.

The elderly lady beside me started asking me whether it was because she was Chinese and these Malay police officers did not want to help. In segregated Malaysia, this is often the first thing that pops into our minds. I told her no... it's a general malaise that has inflicted itself onto our civil service. Ethics and commitment are no longer the yardsticks. Taking the easy way out is.

By then, I was quite annoyed. We are supposed to have first world infrastructure. Tax payers money is used also to set up Welfare Departments, etc, etc. The society is supposed to have put in place, infrastructure and a system to deal with the homeless, lost... the misfits of the society; to enable some dignity to be returned to such people. Yet, this police officer seemed so heartless. Actually, I wasn't expecting him to be super compassionate. He's a police officer... it's his job to pick up such people to be sent for assessment. A system has been put in place to safeguard the people's interests. But its execution is rife with flaws.

Just a casual look of the lady told us she has not been on the streets long. Her clothes were still quite clean. Her rings were still on her fingers. Her nails seemed well kept and her eyebrows looked trimmed. She could be an Alzheimer patient for all we know. The police are supposed to be trained to look out for that... not jump into assumptions immediately. I supposed I have been watching too many CSI shows...

First world infrastructure... third rate execution system and procedures. Police who seem to offer presence but reluctant to carry out their duties when they are supposed to. But these police wouldn't think twice about spraying water laced with chemicals at peaceful protesters. That's our police forced on us.....

And back to my 2 hours... 2 hours lost is nothing compared to what this lady has lost. She lost her mind. In losing that, she lost her dignity. And maybe she has also wandered from home and got lost. Life without dignity... I cannot imagine that. The elderly lady who was with me... she said it's better to be dead than to live without one's dignity.... and I can't help but agree with her.

Food For Thought... Chicken ala Carte

A friend shared this... and I feel it drives home a point. How often our children miss this? ... and feel that their problems are life shattering?

And the second set of kids can be so happy with what they get. Appreciate what we have. There're many out there who can only dream of such things that we take for granted.

Life is not fair, huh?? We read about the Somali pirates and we get so indignant of their actions. Hijacking ships and all that. Then the other side of their story emerge.. some of these pirates are also desperate people... people whose country is ravaged by war, the seas pillaged by more sophisticated fishermen; people who are also in part ignorant. Just as in everything else in life.... ignorance breeds contempt, that sort of contempt that sometimes eats ourselves. But I've veered from the vid...