Midlife... Second half

My generation of women has it different from previous generations of women. Many of us work and are financially independent, successful. I am at midlife, or Second Half; Bob Buford's book would label this as the Second Half of my life. I find myself thinking more about many things... Some say the financial muscles, skills and independence are causing many women of my generation to act out their frustrations and resolve them. I don't see much of that resolve in my mother's generation. Most women of her generation bore out their roles as mothers and wives with stoicism, but often at a cost much later in their lives. I have seen many of them sink into depression in their later years, very often, I suspect, due to the inability to resolve many of their frustrations.

Most of us spend the First Half of our life, busy building our lives... families, careers. Much if not all our energy is spent there. And many of us forget to set aside time to reflect. For some, it's a luxury not afforded because there is just so much we needed to build, we feel. And through the years, we forget... we forget to reflect and pause... pause for the important things in our lives. The work and sacrifice which are supposed to give meaning sometimes become the quicksand to our own selves....

Add that to a society which expects them to play out their roles with no complaints and husbands who were clueless that their wives are complex creatures who need support, you have a whole forgotten generation Unlike men, certain studies show that midlife renewal for women seem to see them achieve more. And midlife crisis for women often stems from family problems or events, through introspection. Family life stresses the wife more than the husbands. An interesting study from the UK came to this conclusion that women need friends, men need families. Increasingly I find too that most of the household tasks fall on women. As children grow older, the stress builds up. And it can become quite numbing. It is very probable that as women hit their late 40s, in a household with growing teens, midlife crisis sets in.

And so the second half becomes of time for reflection... of values and traditions that sometimes seem to make not much sense. And because of that sometimes life feels intolerable... As women grow older, many become sicker and sadder. Sicker probably because women often take on the overfunctioner role. Women work outside and they are the domestic engineers too... I don't think the human body (or mind) can take on this charade of the two worlds without getting sick or going crazy. There're just too much to do.

I wonder too for the generations of women before me, those who had no financial clout nor the confidence to question. They suffered in silence, bore with the expectations of traditions and culture, silently; living with their frustrations and dealing with all of that the best they can. They are a generation who had no opportunity to realise their potential nor live their lives as they see fit. They lived as expected of them. Women tend to lose out.

I guess midlife crisis (or maybe call it Second Half) is probably due to the fact that many women are trying to come to terms with the loss of youth, beauty and roles. I guess too many start to get tired of nurturing and want to be nurtured. I think women sacrifice more because of this role of nurturing... For most husbands, life goes on with less adjustments...

Midlife... Second Half... or even Menopause.... They can be engines of change, either for the better or worse. And I approach mine with caution.

This Is Our School...

Can you imagine a Pengetua Cemerlang yelling 'dajal', 'bangsat' and all kinds of other derogatory terms to students? Can you imagine a Pengetua who keeps boasting about his achievements when all he has to show is a bad track record of teachers under him applying to transfer almost en bloc? Can you imagine a Pengetua who prints poster of himself and plaster them all over the school? It feels as though he wants to turn himself into an idol. (I thought that is against his religious belief) The list of his tyranny can go on... but the saddest thing is, our system promotes such people to head schools.... Such heads focus on the outward. The first thing they do when they go to a new school (apart from being a despot and tyrant once they have settled in) is to give new coats to everything... change the form of things.

I supposed they initiate such physical changes to placate themselves that they've done something. But the sad truth is they are just clueless as to what to do. These are people brought up under a system of patronage with many special rights and many of them have forgotten how hard work feels like... so they go for the superficial. And when the superficial fails to get them what they want, they turn into monsters.

These kinds of Pengetua(s) are bullies too. They bully their subordinates. I supposed they forget that they are human too... someday they are going to grow old. Someday they have to give up their posts. It's at such times that I thank God for making us mortals. Mere mortals die. Imagine if such tyrants live forever. The world will be a dreary place.

Our education system is going down the drain. The PISA and TIMMS results have both indicated that all is not well with our students. Our students are getting dumbed down. National type schools (Chinese and Tamil) dumb kids down by being rigid.... National schools dumb kids down by stereotyping and hypocrisy. The whole system is crumbling because ours is a nation not build on what is morally sound and right. And the rot begins from the head. We have many unqualified heads actually but they still get there because the system favours skin colour over everything. And everywhere, the skin colour precedes... from thoughts to behaviour down right to our policies. And we professed to be a country with a religious soul. LOL!

The new school term is just 3 weeks old. And such kind of tales do not augur well for our education system. FaceBook posts are full of many shameful acts... the recent Listen, Listen UUM lecturer fiasco is another such idiocy of our education system. Schools and higher institutions of learning are supposed to be places to nurture our next generation. Instead, we seem to be getting students of inferior quality because we have such kinds of Pengetua and lecturers.

We talk about budaya penyayang... it's mostly crap. We promote 1Murid1Sukan... that's another whole load of look-nice-on-paper plan. Face it, not everyone likes games, camping and other outdoor activities. We are just trying to shove everyone down the same pipe, in the process stretching resources really thin. And when you try to make sure everyone takes part, teachers get burned out too.... and guess what? Talents are missed out too cos teachers are just too tired to care...

My gal came home yesterday night with 9 homework... some of them were downright brainless activities. Her school performed below expectations last year in the UPSR. This year they are pushing the students really hard because they want the results to improve... so more homework, more extra classes, more of everything that reinforces the subject content... I supposed these are the things that matter more, more than the ability to think, the enjoyment of learning... Crazy existence that we lead these days...

Sarkies Corner @ E&O Hotel : A Journey in Friendship

This was a birthday treat for a friend...

Wanted to do something different and special. So I picked her up from her place in the morning and told her that we were going to Penang.... was a surprise for her and she was surprised. 8)

I had actually wanted to take her to Amelie's Cafe in Armenian Street but after waiting till noon, we discovered that it was closed. So E&O became the next choice, partly also because neither of us had been there before.

The hotel was still undergoing some renovations. Parking was a breeze... and we didn't know that we didn't have to pay parking... we paid! Lunch was either ala carte or their international buffet. We decided to go for ala carte. As age catches up, our stomachs seem less able to take in huge amount of food. We decided to share our orders.

Had this for starters... I've forgotten what it was called but it was just nice for the two of us. A bunch of salad on bread and the sauces complimented everything very nicely.

This is their Grain Fed Australian beef steak, well done. Steak was tasty enough and even though it was well done, it was still nice. We should have it medium to well done. Would have probably been nicer. This is one of the better steaks I have taken for some time. The rocket salad complimented the steak very well. The potatoes were tasty. Divided into 2, the portions were just comfortable for the both of us.... As we hesitated in ordering because we weren't sure whether we could finish the food, the waiter kindly told us that they could divide our order into 2 servings. I thought it was nice of them.

We tried their mocktails too.... the Bora-Bora and Mango Mocktail. No photos though cos we were too busy having conversations. Dessert was yoghurt... again, the restaurant split them into two portions which I thought was really good.

The food was slightly better than average but the place is very nice. It still maintains that English classic charm. Other Half and I stayed here with our kids after it was first refurbished some years ago. I remembered being wowed by the classic look with tall ceilings and big white columns back then. It still impresses... very much.

Friend and I sat by the sea after lunch... It was a nice afternoon. The trees made sure the place remained comfortable. The compound was impeccable and immaculately maintained. We had a nice time talking in the warm afternoon. We'd have gone on and on if not for time constraint. I had to send her back so that her family could celebrate her birthday later.... but it was nice just to sit there.

As the demands of family (and work for some) increase with the passing years, for the women, their own friendships are often the first to be sacrificed. In these last few years, I've realised that we need our women friends cos they are our lifelines very often in this mad and hectic pace that many of us keep. Good friends keep us sane... kindred spirits divide our stress and add to our joy. Conversations with a good friend are good therapy... It does wonderful things to us. A good friend provides the support in a very positive way only someone who understands us will.... and I am very blessed to have that.

What was nice about this trip... well, for one, the company preceded everything else. However, the ambience enhanced the time we spent there... It's always nice to be in a place that has a character and E&O has that rich and charmed colonial history.... if only the walls could speak. There'd be lots of stories they would tell.

Lunch was nice... the birthday lunch reinforces what has been a most wonderful and busy end of the year hols. I shall miss much of the activities that we've done. I shall also miss the company of a familiar and comfortable presence at work. It has also been a couple weeks filled with an amazing journey of discovery into a wonderful friendship... I am blessed!

This one is dedicated to my friend.... for the patience, kindness, thoughtfulness, faithfulness and love shown to me all these years. I look forward to a lifetime of friendship...

2013

This is a post long in coming. Been meaning to write but these days, the hours just don't seem enough. Too many things to do, too many things I want and too tired at the end of the day. The days just feel shorter. Time seems to fly by too... too quickly very often, especially when spent on the things that makes one happy.

New work place... loads of adjustments. Miss my familiar routine especially the ones that I have been doing with my friend over the years. It's easy to miss many things cos there are just so many things we share, a kindred soul. Every experience, every relationship that we go through, they leave indelible marks in our lives too. And this is definitely one of them...  more than anything, this is one that has helped me grow as a person too.

Enjoy the new teaching experience though.. it's been a long while since I enjoyed most of my classes. The students are quite fun to teach cos they are way more responsive than what I've been used to all these years. And thankfully, meetings have been kept at minimum, in every sense of the word. Many schools like to hold long meetings these days. Too many heads have this 'pegang mike, syiok sendiri' syndrome these days. What can be conducted in less than an hour can take up to 4 hours! They don't seem to think much about the time wasted.... There are way too many lousy heads these days... Non productivity can be quite deceiving. They can be hidden under many veneers of glossy paperwork and beautiful facades. But if you look beneath them, you will find much crap. If the government is serious about revamping our education system, getting good heads is a step to go first.

Loads of new experience, new feelings... been going on a roller coaster ride of emotions of sorts. I've lost more weight in 2 months and has not hit the figure I'm now at in more than a decade! And as I continue to move into the second half of my life, I am reminded yet again that life is about relationships. They enrich our lives, give more meaning, add more vibrance. I realise too that I am super duper blessed to have kindred spirits. I am thankful that God is gracious to me in sending me friends and family who help me discover more of myself. And I believe too that my second half will bring better things into my life.

Resolutions.. a bit late in thinking about them. A few came to mind, as usual and I hope to see some of them come to fruition in the coming months. But then again, very often resolutions remain just that... resolutions in thoughts. I remain thankful for the blessings that came my way (and are still coming) and ask that grace be extended to me for the challenges and trials ahead.

Last Holiday Fling for 2012

This was an afterthought after our Langkawi trip. Other Half thought it would be a good idea to do a beach thingy with the kids since they were so keen to play with the sand. And they had pestered us a few times to stop at the beach in Langkawi but because we were short of time we couldn't.

I sounded it out to Friend and she being the ever enthusiastic agreed quite fast. A plan was hatched up almost immediately because time was short as hotels are usually booked end of the year. We managed to book ourselves into Rainbow Paradise Beach Resort. We chose the place because of its accessibility to the beach... easy for the kids.

Three days and two nights.... The kids excitedly plunged into the pool upon check-in. The water was very cold but that didn't deter us. Everyone was having fun before long. Son decided to lounge on the deck chair.... with his iPad and phone. He usually takes a longer time to soak in the moment and fun.

We even took the opportunity to do an early celebration for Friend's birthday... sort of a surprise one. This was on the first night itself. The two men had to join us late as they had to work. The cake came with them!

The children had made the cards at my place before we went to Penang for the holidays... An afternoon of creative juices.... Lol!

Weather forecast had predicted thunderstorms for the duration of our stay but only one evening was spoiled by heavy rains. But it wasn't too bad as everyone had spent more than half a day in the pool and on the beach. There were Rummikub sessions too.... as well as Monopoly Deal for the children.

The two boys tried paragliding the next day, their firsts. SY being younger and less experienced has some slight problems landing himself on the beach. I think the experience was exhilarating for both of them, one soon to be adult and the other, a budding teen. Other Half (and later Son) got to follow the whole excitement on the motorboat which pulled the paraglider.

On the second morning, Other Half took our gal on the jet ski....

Son took SY on the other jet ski....

Time on the beach for the kids... to build sandcastles, or just to sit at the edge of the waters, letting the waves push them as they come in, sometimes gently and sometimes quite strongly. The fathers were game to join in the fun... I think it's a great time for everyone. Sitting at the edge of the water must have been a favourite for the girls cos they kept wanting to remain there... I guess it's kinda nice, to sit there... bobbing up and down to the waves as they roll in.... soothing.

We even had our own mini barbecue session... of sausages, bacon, mushroom and salads from the bag.... But both of us underestimated the kids ability to wolf down the food....

One of the highlights for me was the early morning walk I shared with Friend. It was nice to just sit on the rock by the beach and talk while listening to the waves being pushed onto the beach. It's been quite a while since I did that with a friend. Over the years, I've been caught up by so many things that I forget the simple joys that time with a friend can bring. We talked so much.... my boy finds it amazing that we can talk so much.... morning, afternoon, night... Lol!

One of the things that many women forget is that to have friends in our lives is important too. Women need emotional support from each other. Family and work (for those of us with a career) take up most of our time that we have no time to build our own network of support among our lady friends.

For me, it was a nice time to spend with my friend and our families. We have been colleagues for the last 8 years in a friendship stretching more than 10 years, one that got started through volleyball. Next year I move on to another school... Our friendship will continue but am sad cos there are just too many things that I will miss... how not to, with the one person that I've spoken most to in the last couple of years!

The hols was fun for everyone, I think. Plenty of time in the sun (and some time with the rains). And there weren't any untoward incident despite the 21.12.12 (end of the year thingy). These are what memories are made for... of bonds built, the fun shared, the things that we do together... They color our lives.... make it more vibrant, give it more meaning.

Langkawi... Highlands on an Island

December is here! And time flies when we are having fun. It's been a continuous time of so many activities since the hols began and this trip, I think qualifies as one of the highlights!

This was hatched within 24-hours. Friend and I actually made plans to take the kids to Langkawi as one of our excursions on one of the days. Then on Friday morning as I was talking to Other Half about it, he quipped that he wouldn't mind going with 2 ladies and 5 kids in tow. A call and the trip was on... might I also add with super excited kids waiting for the day in great anticipation. Lol! Kids have a great appetite for play....

And so, the following day... 5 kids and 3 adults (actually 4 kids and 1 soon-to-be-adult) went. Friend's Other Half sent his brood to my place. We took the 7.15 a.m. ferry, which meant getting ready by 5.30 a.m. The boat was packed despite it being the first of the day. The kids were so excited that they hardly slept throughout the one and a half hour ferry ride. Once we got there, we grabbed some food at KFC... By the way, KFC seems to be the most visible fast food restaurant in Langkawi.

Other Half soon got the rented car which we booked before we left Kuala Kedah. Our first destination was the Cable Car ride at Oriental Village. I wanted to make sure that we got there before the weather turned. Weather forecast the day before had predicted thunderstorms. I think all of us were pleasantly surprised by what greeted us when we got to the village. The place was nice and there was a hive of activity going on.

Everywhere was abuzz with things going on - horse rides, people riding on Sedge-ways, etc. The first thing we did was to get the tickets for the cable car. The kids wandered around. It wasn't very hot but was humid. Everyone of us sweated through and through.

While waiting to board the cable cars, the 2 girls tried out the flying fox. The two guys declined the offer to try hurl themselves off the tower. Lol!

Then after walking around a while, it was time to board the cable cars. Waiting to board the cable car was quite uncomfortable because of the humid weather. The crowd was big and we had to wait more than half an hour for our ride in the line which snaked throughout the floor. The company running the cable car could do a better job by making the waiting area air-conditioned. Malaysians could get 1Malaysia prices for tickets, meaning they were cheaper than for the foreigners. As we were waiting we heard announcements being made that for a minimal sum, one could get priority boarding. I don't know what kind of minimal sum they were referring to but I think RM15 (1Malaysia price) and RM60-65 (priority boarding price) does not qualify for minimal!

The cable ride was an experienced well worth it though. It was a steep climb with breathtakingly beautiful view of the jungle and coastline. The chilly wind cooled us all somewhat too.

We got off the cable car at the first observation point and explored the area. From the observation decks, the views were awesome. The smaller kids were quite impatient getting from one deck to another but there was ample space for them to run around.

This is a really nice place for photo taking. Unfortunately though the Skybridge was out of bounds! It's been closed for many months. Such a pity.

We weren't ambitious as the Langkawi trip was just a one day trip and didn't try to squeeze in too many places to visit. Over the years, Other Half and I have discovered that it's often more fun to just keep trips simple. That way, everyone is less tired.

Our final destination was the Underwater World. They had 1Malaysia ticket prices there too. By the way, we noticed too while there were 1Malaysia prices offered for entrance tickets, places like the Oriental Village hardly had a Malaysian flavour. I didn't see any Chinese kopitiams or Indian roti canai stalls. Such a pity that our rich diverse culture is not represented.

The Underwater World is really nice. The exhibits were really impressive. They're as good if not better than the Sentosa Underwater World in Singapore that we went a couple of years ago.

We were fortunate enough to be able to watch the seal show. The audience oohed and aahhed throughout the show. The kids were mesmerised. I was impressed too.

But before going into the Underwater World we went to have tea here... It's as English as it can get cos it's run by an English lady. The place was cosy. You can have tea and watch the surroundings.

Had scones with jam and strawberry jam. The menu claims it's homemade. Everyone liked the scones.

SY took a photo with a python.... I steered clear. Have no affinity for the slithery creatures. The Underwater World was totally worth it!

We took the last boat back to the mainland. The weather forecast the day before had predicted thunderstorms throughout the day. But the weather held. It was even sunny most part of the day until we were done with the Underwater World. Then it started to drizzle as Other Half drove us back to the Jetty. It eventually poured after we got onto the ferry. God was good!

The trip was totally enjoyable. The children had fun. The young man too, cos he enjoyed his photo shoot. The adults had a great time too! We are planning another such trip. Lol! Turns out the adults too have a great appetite for play as well.

Memories are made of these... Some day I hope when the kids are all grown up, they'll think back of such times with fondness.

Taxidermy

We have a taxidermist in the family... an uncle who has been in this trade for decades. Recently we visited him and was told that his collection of stuffed animals were going to go soon. These are all works of art.. One has to have some know how of anatomy, sculpture, painting and even tanning. One has to remove all the internal stuff and 'do up' the animal.

Uncle is one of very few people in this field. He says it's a dying trade. There are now many laws which prohibit the hunting of many animals in order to protect them from extinction. Moreover, it is also a messy job which involves digging up the innards.

His collection of stuffed animals or some might label as 'trophies' dates back many decades. Over the years, many people and institutions like the zoo would send animals for him to stuff and preserve. All of these come with proper legal documents too.

When we first came up north, this is one place which we would visit regularly and many of these stuffed animals were quite familiar to us. Our boy used to be afraid of some of them, especially this one huge crocodile head which would sit at the bottom of the stairs.

This would be the last time we'd be seeing these animals. Since Aunty passed away, Uncle has been away quite often at his children's place.

This leopard has been around for 40 years! It has been a familiar figure which grace the hall. And it's going to a new home too.

These are also works of art... the preservation of form after death. I know it sounds quite morbid but it's not as scary as mummification of humans.

These will all be soon displayed at the Natural History Museum in Putrajaya. I think they will make the bulk of the stuffed animals on display there!

A lifetime of collection here.....