Sunday, February 22, 2009

My parents don't understand me..

My parents don't understand me, they scold me a lot... they don't listen to me... sounds familiar? Well, if you have a teenage son or daughter, that's something they are likely to say. So, who understands them?? Their friends... well, in my opinion, anyone who doesn't have to clear up after them or keep reminding them to do their stuff, I supposed.

Let me give a typical scene at home... your kid finishes his meal, leaves his plates in the sink. He goes off ... to his room, plays the computer, listen to the music; basically continues to do his stuff..... dirty dishes are in the sink. He forgets, then you wash. But after a few times, you feel that he should not escape his duty, so you go after him. And he has wizened up... he has learned that if he leaves it there long enough and feign forgetfulness, he can get away. You remind him.... these reminders are likely to be followed by unpleasantries. And that's when all these 'my parents don't understand me, scold me a lot' come in. Sigh!

Another common scenario.. he's on the computer. It's late. You tell him to switch it off... it goes on a couple of times.. then a tirade comes from him about how all his friends can use the computer as long as they want, sleep as late, etc, etc. And out comes this again...'my parents don't understand me, scold me a lot'

No matter what path you take, as long as it involves getting the marginal man to do what he is supposed to do but doesn't; arguments are bound to take place cos the marginal person does not see beyond his immediate wants. And it's usually the mundane things that set off such feelings... those mundane things that still need to be done.

So they confide in their friends... and since all of them in the same boat... there is a very high level of empathy.

Teenage years... they're very hard not just on the kids but also on the parents. I was just doing what I call a DVD of memories of my kids, and it brought back so many nice memories of them... happy times. Yet sometimes when I look at my boy, I wonder sometimes where I lost him. Thankfully, my girl still provides me that sort of balance... well at least for now. But teenage years are also knockin' on her door.

So some parents just give up... after all there are maids to clear up. And they are all worn down by the demands of their own lives. It's an easier way out on everyone but out of this, I suspect a generation of spoilt brats will emerge.

So, raising kids... who says it's easy? Parenting is definitely more difficult than going to work, at least as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, these are just my ramblings...

Update (9/10/09):
My Parents Don't Understand Me (Round 2)

27 comments:

You-Know-Who said...

how'd you know that dirty dishes are in my sink and waiting for me to wash????
bye... i am going to wash it right now.....:)

AJ7 said...

You-Know-Who... pardon me, who are you??? Cos I don't??? 8) How to guess. It's like looking for a needle in the haystack.

daboss said...

ah... they'll all leave the roost very soon and you'll be wishing they were still with you... kakaka... :)

Anonymous said...

Haizz....I think this is generation gap. We don't understand them, they also don't us neither. If they were to put themselves in our shoes and think that all this we do for their own good, will they say that anymore? Or if they themselves become parents, will they repeat what we do today? I think they will unless they don't love their children.

You know who I am. In case u don't know I'll let u know.

monay said...

who is You-Know-Who? aha i see you have not been following rainbow's blog comments....
;)

Anonymous said...

It is far easier to meddle school,friend and others' affairs but not really raising children. It is energy- draining and mind-boggling.

AJ7 said...

Monay...light bulb gone on ade... I know who You-Know-Who is... Aiya... I read his comments on Rainbow... I guess it then. Didn't cross my mind juz now.... LOL!!! *wave* *wave*

PreciousPearl said...

eh, my parents never understood me when i was a teenager. now I am in my forties they still don't understand me worrr .....
:p:

AJ7 said...

My... then you must be one confusing teenager and adult.. LOL! But aren't we all confusing, PP? I think my parents still find me confusing sometimes oso....

You-Know-Who said...

You knew it was me?

AJ7 said...

You-Know-Who... Yes! One of my favourite persons..... 8)

lawton said...

well im 13 and dont sass off to my folks, i pretend they are going to die tomorrow. yes i know there are times that moms to dramatic and dad is not listning but if you just do what your told it makes it alot easier

All things beautiful said...

The amazing thing is..forgetfulness is recognized as one of a few strategies available for us to get others to do what we ought to have done ourselves. Ask any psychologist!

Anonymous said...

MY PARENTS DONOT LOVE ME AND HATE ME THEY SCOLD ME A LOT AND I Envious BECOZ MY PARENTS FRDS DO ALLOW THEMTO DO WAT THEY WANT BUT IAM FORTUANATLY THEY DONT BEHAVE WITH ME LIKE THAT ANY ONE HELP ME TO MY PARENTS LIKE ME AND UNDERSTAND THAT IAM A TEENAGER NOT AN ANIMAL OH GOD!

Anonymous said...

Wow, that last one was giberish.

AJ7 said...

To a teenager, parents always don't understand cos parents are usually about the only people who will stop/advise their children not to do the things which they feel are not good for their kids. But kids will not understand cos it's what they want. Actually those parents who allow their children to do anything they want basically may be too tired to chase after them. It's easier to let them do what they want. It takes a lot of effort just to convince or discipline a kid. And the heartaches that come after also when you punish the kid.... it's also painful for the parents also. It's way easier to just let the kid do whatever he/she wants.

But you see, this same kid, when he grows up and things turn out badly for them... they are also the ones who will turn around, point their fingers at their parents and say "Why did you allow it to happen to me?"

To those teenagers who feel their parents don't understand them... remember this, if your parents give in to your every whim and wishes, you must either be an angelic kid or..... I could give you a dozen reasons but none of them would indicate that they care enough.

evee said...

well my parents never understand me and i do my dishes,clean my room and to all of my chores, im in high school so i do a lot of work every day, then i come home and they expect me to do all of their chores too? heck no,my parents dont ever ask me whats going on in life,hows school, or anything all they do is scream at me for every little thing i do wrong ,when there are other sluty girls out there smoking weed,doing drugs and getting themselves pregnant , when im actually trying my best, and they even say im an embarassment for them ,because of my style,they truley dont understand me, i mean they dont even know my favorite colors.

AJ7 said...

Evee... Their chores? Their dishes? Do you ask them their day? They probably feel just as flustered as you are at the end of their days most of the time... plus prob they have tonnes of other worries too... like you. They probably feel like you do too...

But I think you do seem to want to contribute to the family... even though you think your efforts are not appreciated. I think they are but your parents probably might feel towards you the same way you feel about them. Try softening your stance... see whether it works to soften theirs... I'm learning too as a parent..

Anonymous said...

i have a similar situation with evee... i try my best for them to be proud of me... even to the point that i compromise what i believe is right (and proving that i am really right when i already chose to do what they want). i have good grades, i do household chores, i am a better child than other kids, but when i commit a single mistake, as if im the worst child to have (even if that mistake is caused by them). i love them and i want to pay them back with all of the things that they gave me, but sometimes, im tired of living this way.. i know my parents want the best for me, but i wish lets drop the idea that "parents know best", cause they don't. sometimes, they also need to listen to their children. indeed, age gap is present and could not be eliminated, that's why they have to accept it, and accept their children as well.

-blue girl

AJ7 said...

Parents are not perfect, you know. And that is why sometimes they forget that their children are not perfect too. In wanting their children to better them, they forget. They forget too that they may not really know the best. Parenting is a journey.... parents will make mistakes. Just as in growing up is also a journey. You will also make mistake. The thing is... I guess we just have to learn to move on.

monay said...

There is a saying...
"When I was child, my parents are so smart and know everything.
When I was a teenager, my parents know nothing.
When I am in my 30s, my parents are so smart all over again."
I have been there and now am a 40 something parent and it's true. I am enjoying the "adoration" of my young kids. They think I know everything... And I now think my parents are so smart! She can make all sort of goodies, he can share and witness for God.. I only know how to eat them and still join Bible studies when I should be leading, sigh...:) Deep down parents are the one who loves their kid the most and have their best interest in mind. They cannot help it, they are the ones who held the cute chubby baby and fell deeply in love.

AJ7 said...

Monay! Spot on! Parents are the only people who want us to do well and better than them... without reservations!

But I guess that realization will only hit later on, and especially harder home if one becomes a parent him/herself.

why dont they understand said...

HATE MY PARENTS!!!!

Anonymous said...

This gives wayyy to much credit to the parent and not enough to the child.
My parents and I are three VASTLY different people, and they dont understand me, at all. My viewpoints, my choices, my friends
This is simply shoving all the blame on snotty teenagers, which believe me, I know plenty. Some parents are just inapt of adapting to their teenagers

AJ7 said...

Anonymous... LOL! You think parents should 'get credit'. It's not about that. I think growing up is a hard stage but parenting is even harder. A parent has got to share their everything.... yet get little appreciation. Living together... it'd be nice if the teens do their part. That's where both sides differ. If a teen comes a parent and asks of things/favours and parents adopt the same behaviour of a teen.... would be interesting, don't you think?

RoZana said...

Can't you see that all they want to be like what they want ! to take the same steps they toke before without any mistakes they just forgot that their's nobodys perfect ! They just want us to be to numb !! the only right thing they do to me is to ignore me not any more for to much not the dishes and that kind of shit that comes out of parents throat , forget it you won't even know what you're kids are talkin' about , you really don't know what you're acts is destroying in us every day ! and you think this is easy for us to say that they don't understand us ! I'm writting this and crying Cuz when the parents don't understand us no one to do . friends no one ! even we don't understand us , Can you fell it !! I don't think so ! you don't fell,hear,understand,or even get us !!

AJ7 said...

Perhaps you should try sit down and talk to them. Tell them what you feel and in turn, you too listen to what they have to tell you. Sometimes, it's amazing when you understand theirs. And more often than never, they do understand yours....