Coming up....2011

Happy New Year! Every year end, the same thing happens. An old year gets eclipsed for good and a new one takes its place. But essentially all of us plod on almost the same... Oh! I forgot, that's why we have resolutions. To make the plodding a little different. But then again, it becomes the same cos most of us can't keep to those resolutions. He! He!

There'll be no new resolutions for me and I'll try not to carry the baggages from 2010 into the new year.... except for this 'flood' wound on my knee which seems to keep reopening. I miss swimming and cannot wait for it to heal totally. Problem is each time I thought it was okay, the skin tears open again.... the second tear being today over a seemingly healed skin. And it's been almost 2 months. So, I'll definitely have to carry this from the old year into the new! No choice.

2010 would still be a year to remember. I finished 49 books, (non) novels. 50 would have been a great figure but I ran out of time. I was happily distracted by the 'ins and outs' of people in my life. I failed to finish reading my Bible... still a bit more, the flood put a dampener to my reading. 8( I reconnected with old friends and that's a resounding yay of gladness!! I saw all my nephews and nieces too! It's also a year to be remembered cos my father-in-law passed on. It was all very sudden but I believe God loves him more. There were changes too at home but I can see more good out of it for my children.

It's also a year dotted with unpleasant memories... suicides, of friends lost, upheavals, etc.

A new year! The thing that I dread most is a new school year means a different kind of busy is now in place... the 'pek-chek' type. Early mornings, coupled with mad rushes... those will be the hallmark of most of the weekdays. But I'm still glad to be working.

As for the rest of what's coming up?? I guess they'll just be 'business as usual for me' except that as always, I'll try to make my own penambah baikkan, whenever possible or try to learn to cope as situations change. Life is full of changes! So no resolutions again this year, unless you count tambah baik as one.

So, Happy New Year to all who wander in. Here's a toast to you all!

Ending 2010 with si tenggang's homecoming

This is one of the poems which our students in Form 4 will not be reading cos it has been phased out. I've done the new poems with my Form 4 students but somehow I don't enjoy them as much as I do the old ones. The new ones come across as rather... I don't know. At this point, I think they seem to dumb down our kids. Maybe I'll change my mind after a couple of rounds.

Anyway, the year is coming to an end. And somehow, si tenggang's homecoming seem apt this year.

i

the physical journey that i traverse

is a journey of the soul,

transport of the self from a fatherland

to country collected by sight and mind,

is a stranger's knowledge,

from one who has learnt to see, think

and choose between

the changing realities

Life is also a journey of the soul. You collect your experiences and you process them. And you make your choices based on your understanding of realities. I've learned that our realities change. I've been let down by people whom I thought were friends. Lies become truths. But still, we've to deal with the changing realities. Moving on...

ii

it's true i have growled at my mother and grandmother

but only after having told of my predicament

that they have never brought to reason.

the wife that I begun to love in my loneliness,

in the country that alienated me

they took to their predecisions

i have not entirely returned, i know

having been changed by time and place

coarsened by problems

estranged by absence

Another phase coming into my life. I look at my parents' generation. Many of their marriages were glued by their children. Take the children out of the equation and you get lots of gaps. And children become parents cos parents become children. And sometimes you get alienated. It's hard on everyone.

There's a couple in my church who celebrated their 50th anniversary this December. It's awesome! 50 years is a long time. Somehow it's just so easy for most to drift apart despite being under the same roof. But 50 years means love takes on a new depth. If you are able to find that, then in your partner you find your soul mate.

iii

but look

i have brought myself home,

seasoned by confidence,

broadened by land and languages,

i am no longer afraid of the oceans

or the differences between people,

not easily fooled

by words or ideas.

the journey was a loyal teacher

who was never tardy

in explaining cultures or variousness

look, i am just like you,

still malay,

sensitive to what i believe is good,

and more ready to understand

than my brothers.

the contents of these boats are yours too

because i have returned

When we hit our forties... confidence is built on our success and achievements. Some of us become arrogant, some will be humbled by the realization of how temporal everything seems, some will just live from day to day, trying not to think about what awaits them, preferring their present, hoping it will remain. Some become wiser, some none the wiser.... life is a journey, not a tardy teacher if we take note but many don't. There are shortcuts in life too... by learning from others' experiences. Sharing makes our journey easier sometimes.

iv

travels made me

a seeker who does not take

what is given without sincerity

or that which demands payments from beliefs.

the years at sea and coastal states

have taught me to choose

to accept only those tested by comparison,

or that which matches the words of my ancestors,

which returns me to my village

and its perfection

I like this stanza... People give but to be given freely, that's priceless. If you have even a friend who gives of her(him)self freely, it's one of those closer things to heaven on this side of the divide. God gave His Son freely for us. Christ died freely for us too. Try mirroring that and you'll get what I mean....

I've also learned to discern. Words and actions, they are the best indicators of a person's sincerity. We talk more than walk the talk... I thought some people were different but one changing reality for me is I was too naive.

v

i've learnt

the ways of the rude

to hold reality in a new logic,

debate with hard and loud facts.

but I too am humble, respecting,

man and life.

vi

i am not a new man

not very different

from you;

the people and the cities

of costal ports

taught me not to brood

over a foreign world,

suffer difficulties

or fear possibilities.

What's done is done. There is no point brooding. Difficult moments come but they also go. Till our time here is done, we might as well head for possibilities. Life goes on....

God grant me the serenity

To accept what I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference

Here's to A New Year!!! 2011!!!!

Last Days...

...before school starts! Yup! These are the last days of the hols and also 2010. But I've gone back to work. Schools don't start on a new year these days. A new school year actually starts on the old school year for students also.

For teachers there is the Staff Meeting to attend. We had it in a hotel this year. I guess the school meeting room was not 'corporate' enough. LOL! I can never get it why the teaching fraternity wants to be seen as corporate. Don't they dig it??? We're teachers! Anyway, we go back to school this week to register students. We had a session to register the ponteng students yesterday. Tomorrow we 'register' all the students. The thing is they tell us they want classes to begin on the first day itself; no waste of time. But the point is, we waste time all through out the year on lots of lost causes.

Other Half asked me whether we'd throw out students who don't go register themselves tomorrow. The answer is no! We still have to take them in on Sunday when school reopens proper. In fact, these days, we don't throw out any student from the system. If a school expels a student, the Education Office has to find them another school. One school's problem then become another school's.

I saw 2 students of mine working at TESCO recently. They were really recalcitrant students, right up to Form 5. Got totally hopeless grades too in their SPM if I'm not wrong. Well, they thought they could easily get any job; even tried to get into the Armed Forces. At school, one would be really dirty and smelly most of the time despite advice to spruce up. And suffice to say, both were constant discipline problems as well. Guess what, I saw them looking really smart and neat at TESCO. I almost laughed out aloud when I saw them. What our schools couldn't do, the school of life did. Sometimes I feel that by not allowing them to experience the consequences of their actions produce people do not know the value of hard work or that life is no bed of roses or even we need to learn to toe the lines.

And one more... we are reminded to be professional in our work. One no-no this year. If parents come see us while we are in class we are to tell them we cannot talk to them. We are also not allowed to collect fees from the students in class. They have to see us in the Staff Room during recess. For those of us unfortunate enough to get the last few classes, collecting fees is like a cat-and-mouse game. It's a constant chase. I think I'll try remind them to see me during recess and see if it works. If it doesn't I might just send memos to my boss to inform her of each reminder I send out to my students. And at the end of the year, the collection of fees not done becomes their problem. We can say we did what we were supposed to do but the students refused to pay. LOL!

As it is we face difficulty in fee collection. It's not that parents don't give the money to their kids. It's just that their kids don't pay. And parents also don't seem to be asking receipts of payment from their children (I'll leave that rambling about parents for another day). So, the administrators think we waste time if we collect fees in class. But the thing is most of us are experienced enough to know that a class idle would be noisy. So most of us collect fees after work has been given out in class. There are also lessons to be taught in this process after all... don't pay you get hauled up!! Public reminder, or call it whatever you want. LOL!

We make attempts to be more professional but our attempts very often show us to be pea-brained. And very often our focus turns to those things which make us to be seen as doing something that everyone can see when in reality, there are many things important done which cannot be seen. Aiya! We are a very outward appearance people. Siao! Is it no wonder that our schools are rotting??? I brace myself for yet another year.... they'll definitely be fodder for ramblings.

Rounding Up...

2010 ends in a couple of days. For me, that's another chapter done!

This blog... It has served as a record of sorts of my ramblings, activities, the people come in (and gone out) of my life, changes, thoughts. I look back and would ooh and aahh over some of those ramblings. It is a good reminder. Sometimes my memory tends to fail me. And reading through jolts those gray cells a bit.

Friends... they are integral in our lives. But they come in and out of our lives. Still, our lives are the richer for them too. Anyway, saying goodbye is something everyone of us has to do also. When this life is over here, we have to say goodbye (like it or not) and move on. I went through housekeeping on my mobile phone a few weeks back... I've deleted a lot of numbers not used, people who have moved out of my life and also added new numbers. But we've FB too.

Family... ties get broken sometimes but it can be mended if all are willing. Keeping a family together requires effort but something worth it. Takes 2 'to tango' though too.

Children are ours as a trust. Each year adds a year to them and brings them closer to leaving us. They grow up and go away. The search for opportunities tears families apart. Has been and still is a reason. But one thing I observe, parents pine for their children and wish for their children to be nearer them, especially in their frail years. I see many lonely parents now. Many let their children go in search of a better future because they love them but many children also 'forget' their parents.

Parents... we once looked to them as everything. But they grow old. They become forgetful, sometimes even childlike in their behaviour. Where once we tested the limits of their patients, the role begins to reverse. Where once they cared for us, the task now falls in our hands. Parents grow old... that's a sad part. One day, we go down this path too.

Work... 2011 beckons. I was sitting down with a few men friends one night. I've been rather laid back in my ambitions, I realized. One reason is family, the other being the lopsided system that I am in. But God has also been good to me. In those moments I've felt like giving up, He has always been kind and generous to me. And I've yet to feel wanting. I realized this after talking to my friends; about friends who have been made Guru Cemerlang. I did not apply. Anyway, I've gone through 2 schemes in my years of service, the SSB and SSM. God blessed me once in the former and twice in the latter scheme! And the last 2 came at times when I had wanted to give up. I don't know what is in store for the coming year. Probably there'll be many frustrations but I'll just have to take it one at a time.

Faith... there have been many moments of doubting. But I observe this. It's usually the little things done by others to us (or vice versa) that cause cynicism to creep in. I often find myself having to dig deep to resist the urge to walk away from it all. In these last few years, the term little Napolean is often used. Well, little Napoleans are everywhere... even in the House of God. Cronyism too... it's everywhere. And the reason is simple. We're fallen creatures. Only by grace (through faith) are we saved, and not by our works. Cos if we go just by works, it would all crumble so easily. The first offense from those little things would crumble them all!

Growing old... This is perhaps the most difficult thing we have to do. As we come to the end of our journey, as our earthly body begins to fail us, it bares us to this tug-a-wars of pride vs humility, pessimism vs optimism, despair vs hope, the questions about eternity... It makes some of us go into that hopeless search for that little bit of youth left in us and sometimes we lose it all because we fail to remain dignified.

So what is new in all these?? Nothing actually! What is has already been, and what will be has been before... says the Philosopher. It's just that for each of us, everything is a new learning experience... if only we can have the knowledge to make us wiser in our own journey.

The Constant Princess... by Philippa Gregory

Book 49... I thought I was going to stop with 48 books! Anyway, I started this book quite a while ago but these days, my reading tends to get a bit 'distracted' cos I read on both the Ipad and Ipod. Finished it 2 days before Christmas. Nothing beats the Ipad for home use but the Ipod is still very handy when I am on the go.

Anyway, The Constant Princess... This is the 3rd of Gregory's books I've read. The Other Boleyn Girl got me motivated to read up about that era. Also, The Other Queen, helped me with an easier understanding of the setting and time; all which made reading all the more enjoyable.

This novel gives the background to the rise of Queen Katherine (Catalina), Henry VIII's first wife; the one he married when he was still a teen. She was a constant princess throughout the entire novel. A constant presence even after the death of Arthur, her first betrothed. A constant presence during the 7 years of wait to be betrothed to the future Henry VIII, even though she was almost a prisoner in England. She was also constant in her pursuit to be the Queen, a role that she believed she was born into. Also, her constant fervent belief that she is anointed by God to be a Queen... All throughout we can see her constancy!! And the writer puts it very succinctly the meaning of the word 'constant' in this novel.

Catalina, the youngest child of Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand of Spain was betrothed to Arthur, the Prince of Wales but he died. Then she married her brother, Henry VIII, though she was quite a few years older. In those days, women were supposed to play a subordinate role. But funny though, that they somehow always end up influencing court life or run the politics from behind the scenes. Queen Catherine played an important role in winning a battle against the Scots when she was regent of England. Henry VIII was away on a campaign in France at that time. Actually in real life, she was quite a remarkable woman; having contributed to the eradication poverty and providing better educational opportunities during her reign.

But what caught my attention is how fervent the characters are in the story. They believed they are born into their position, blessed by God and anointed to do his bidding on earth. Yet they were willing to lie, turn a blind eye to their own misdeeds. God's name was much used in vain. God's name was also used to consolidate their 'rights'. God's name was everywhere as long as it profited them! Sounds familiar???

What was is still today. Religion has always been used to separate people into 'us' and 'them'. And they went to war for that; think Crusades. The Christendom and the infidels, the Pope and his grip on Christendom. The cycle is always the same... the Moors and their centres of great learning were wiped out in Spain by Isabella and Ferdinand, in the fervor to expand Christendom. Today, we have the Muslims doing their own jihad against the rest of the world...

Anyway, Catalina (later to become Katherine) is always a constant in the story and one with great EQ and cunningness. She was smart actually, in every sense of the word. Historians who studied her have commented that if she had been a man, she would have been defied all heroes of History. After Arthur's death, she waited 7 years like a prisoner and without means while Spain and England hammered out an arrangement of her future. In Henry's life too she was also almost always a constant. Her persistence, patience, humility and faith got here where she was....

It's not just a nice book for History buffs. This one provided me with lessons about the similarity of ages past and the present.

Christmas This Year

... been a busy hols, this year. And I thought term time was busy enough. Christmas came so suddenly this year. I had not much time to 'plan' my Christmas shopping. And the Christmas mood wasn't really felt till the eve after I went out for breakfast with the George, Linda, Lee Fun and Andy. And we ladies, joined by Deb went out for a short shopping trip in the afternoon.

As it has been for the last few years, we spent Christmas Eve at Ah Ho's. This year's highlight was Joseph's roast lamb. It was still over the fire when we arrived. We were early. I wanted to see it before it was carved up.

Dinner was nice, it always is at Ah Ho's place. And this year, her kids (D-I-L included) did all the cooking.

Then we waited for the carolers. It's been a tradition for many years that this is the last stop for the carolers. So we had a second round of people dropping by after 10 p.m.; parents of the kids who would pick their kids up after the caroling.

Church service on Chrismast was at 10.30 a.m. This year's attendance was very good. Almost 350 people, almost a 3-fold over our normal attendance. There was buffet lunch, kindly sponsored by an anonymous kind soul. God kept the rains away and the weather was just nice enough for an outdoor makan.

I saw a group of young people taking a group photo after the service. They are our earlier batch of church kids now grown up. Many of them were primary going when we first came here. And now some of them are already married. Adults they've become. How time flies!

This was followed by a wedding dinner reception at the Chans' place. We're getting a flurry of Chan weddings. This is the second wedding in the family in 2 months and a 3rd will follow suit within the next 4 months! An informal dinner at the house instead of the usual restaurant wedding dinner meant that we could move around and mingle in a relaxed atmosphere.

My gal had a nice time collecting presents this year! She asked me how come she received so many presents! We told her it's because people remember her. 8) For a kid at her age, presents make Christmas time a happy time. My boy was kept busy with his usual MYF year end activities. Reminds me of the years past when Other Half and I were at that age. Our year end hols would be filled getting ready for Christmas too! And it was good for us. Our time was well filled and working together with our friends helped to shape our characters.

Christmas this year is also enriched by the presence of the Thompsons in our midst. It's been many years since they left here and I think it's nice that we're able to see them rather regularly in the last couple of years too.

So, Christmas 2010! Yup! It's a blessed one for many of us.

Penang State Museum

I'm in the museum mood these days... this is the 4th museum I've visited this month. The Penang State Museum - the last time I visited it was when I was really small and I don't think I could understand much back then.

I think it's good to visit a local museum at the start of any trips so as to get a better picture of the place you are visiting. It's like doing a background check thing. Helps you know a person you're about to hire/interview better. For a place you're about to visit, it helps you appreciate the value and aesthetic beauty of the place. I wished I had gone to the museum first before we went round The Heritage Trail. But it was closed on the day we planned to visit it. Anyway, the building used to house the Penang Free School which now is in Green Lane.

I finally can see why Penang is called The Pearl of the Orient. Penang was truly beautiful in the days of Francis Light. They have such beautiful paintings of the scenery and the mansions built by the colonialists at the museum. Back in the old days, there were no cameras. So we have only paintings to rely on. The colonialists came and built many mansions with beautiful and spacious gardens. I guess it's something to remind them of home. Only that in this part of the world, the gardens are green throughout the year. Britain gets really dreary during winter. Suffolk House was one such house built back in the old days. You've got to see it to see what I mean; truly breathtaking and reflects the beauty of a pearl. And I didn't know that Penang was originally called Pulau Ka Satu too. You always learn something new when you go to the museums.

The Penang State Museum has more paintings than artifacts, which is understandable given the fact that Penang history is actually quite recent, unlike Kedah which is a seat to older civilizations. But the paintings and pictures brought to life many of the old streets as well as buildings. It also gave a very good account of its progress on a timeline, which always serves to build a better understanding and appreciation.

Also I learned that the British too had slaves to maintain those beautiful mansions with their undulating surroundings. Got that from reading Sir Francis Light's will. The rise of any society often means the enslavement of another, quite true also in today's society even though enslavement has taken on a more palatable form today.

Next to the museum is the Church of Assumption which was built in the 19th century. I tried to read up more about it and learned the difference between a church and a cathedral. It was recorded that the church was elevated to the status of a Cathedral in 1955, which enable it to hold the seat of a Bishop. Interesting! 8)

Hannah said I was kiasu when I told her that I had read up about Rummikub after she asked me over the phone (before we met up) whether my kids had played with it. That's just me... it's not the kiasuness which compels me to find out more. I just want to know.... for the fun of it. 8) Sometimes, knowing all these has also made me realize that there are many similarities we share with those before us.

And hurray! Today the SPM ends for my school... it means I can finally have this off my mind! Else I've to keep reminding myself of the last day so that I can go back to school to collect the school's harta pusaka from the Chief Invigilator. So I went to school this morning, cleared all the stuff and I'm finally done for the year... where school is concerned! Can 'sau-tong'