Ending 2010 with si tenggang's homecoming

This is one of the poems which our students in Form 4 will not be reading cos it has been phased out. I've done the new poems with my Form 4 students but somehow I don't enjoy them as much as I do the old ones. The new ones come across as rather... I don't know. At this point, I think they seem to dumb down our kids. Maybe I'll change my mind after a couple of rounds.

Anyway, the year is coming to an end. And somehow, si tenggang's homecoming seem apt this year.

i

the physical journey that i traverse

is a journey of the soul,

transport of the self from a fatherland

to country collected by sight and mind,

is a stranger's knowledge,

from one who has learnt to see, think

and choose between

the changing realities

Life is also a journey of the soul. You collect your experiences and you process them. And you make your choices based on your understanding of realities. I've learned that our realities change. I've been let down by people whom I thought were friends. Lies become truths. But still, we've to deal with the changing realities. Moving on...

ii

it's true i have growled at my mother and grandmother

but only after having told of my predicament

that they have never brought to reason.

the wife that I begun to love in my loneliness,

in the country that alienated me

they took to their predecisions

i have not entirely returned, i know

having been changed by time and place

coarsened by problems

estranged by absence

Another phase coming into my life. I look at my parents' generation. Many of their marriages were glued by their children. Take the children out of the equation and you get lots of gaps. And children become parents cos parents become children. And sometimes you get alienated. It's hard on everyone.

There's a couple in my church who celebrated their 50th anniversary this December. It's awesome! 50 years is a long time. Somehow it's just so easy for most to drift apart despite being under the same roof. But 50 years means love takes on a new depth. If you are able to find that, then in your partner you find your soul mate.

iii

but look

i have brought myself home,

seasoned by confidence,

broadened by land and languages,

i am no longer afraid of the oceans

or the differences between people,

not easily fooled

by words or ideas.

the journey was a loyal teacher

who was never tardy

in explaining cultures or variousness

look, i am just like you,

still malay,

sensitive to what i believe is good,

and more ready to understand

than my brothers.

the contents of these boats are yours too

because i have returned

When we hit our forties... confidence is built on our success and achievements. Some of us become arrogant, some will be humbled by the realization of how temporal everything seems, some will just live from day to day, trying not to think about what awaits them, preferring their present, hoping it will remain. Some become wiser, some none the wiser.... life is a journey, not a tardy teacher if we take note but many don't. There are shortcuts in life too... by learning from others' experiences. Sharing makes our journey easier sometimes.

iv

travels made me

a seeker who does not take

what is given without sincerity

or that which demands payments from beliefs.

the years at sea and coastal states

have taught me to choose

to accept only those tested by comparison,

or that which matches the words of my ancestors,

which returns me to my village

and its perfection

I like this stanza... People give but to be given freely, that's priceless. If you have even a friend who gives of her(him)self freely, it's one of those closer things to heaven on this side of the divide. God gave His Son freely for us. Christ died freely for us too. Try mirroring that and you'll get what I mean....

I've also learned to discern. Words and actions, they are the best indicators of a person's sincerity. We talk more than walk the talk... I thought some people were different but one changing reality for me is I was too naive.

v

i've learnt

the ways of the rude

to hold reality in a new logic,

debate with hard and loud facts.

but I too am humble, respecting,

man and life.

vi

i am not a new man

not very different

from you;

the people and the cities

of costal ports

taught me not to brood

over a foreign world,

suffer difficulties

or fear possibilities.

What's done is done. There is no point brooding. Difficult moments come but they also go. Till our time here is done, we might as well head for possibilities. Life goes on....

God grant me the serenity

To accept what I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference

Here's to A New Year!!! 2011!!!!