Thursday, February 17, 2011

Running on max....

That's how I think I am running now. I wish there're more than 24 hours in a day. But I also know that having more than those hours would not make much difference. More things will just be piled into the extended day... and soon I'll be wishing for more hours in a day. Endless cycle of toiling never ends.

Tired... it takes effort to keep myself checked since school reopened. Long days at work, loads of paperwork.... workplace is more about churning out papers as proof that we're working this year. LOL! Frankly speaking I do see some good out of some of these but I think they can be simplified and made to really serve their purposes. At the rate we're going, we've been told to hentam so that the figures are there, buat bagi ada.... but paper work must be done.

Early mornings... the rush to prepare breakfast. I still try to pack food for my kids to bring to school. Am thankful for the ready supply of pies, puffs that I can freeze. But sometimes I still make sandwiches or fry something for them.... all that in an hour! But it's all worth it when my girl comes home and tells me her friends drool over her food. Earlier on she wanted to stop bringing food on certain days... but now that her friends are drooling, she wants me to pack again. Then it's off to work. Am thankful for the supply of food at work that a friend brings... it saves time sitting in the canteen - more time saved.

Work...It is unending. Housework; floor to sweep, clothes to hang and fold (sometimes), general cleaning to do and an occasional dinner to cook. But there's always the chak-fan shops and my caterer to fall on... they give me timely breaks. But these days everything is going up too.... so I guess I should go back to cooking more. Healthier too. 8( I think working mothers have crazier schedules than the dads... work at work, work at home. Both are full-time jobs. Some of us have full-time maids. Some like me are fortunate enough to have local help who comes in for an hour or so. Yet there are those without any help... 2 full-time jobs. Sometimes I think of quitting one for the other but then I'd begin to wonder whether I'd be able to fill my time. I wonder too whether I am being shortchanged or shortchanging my family. There's only so much that one can do... So, the vicious cycle perpetuates itself... or rather is perpetuated by the self.

People... families, friends... SOSes, a listening ear, an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on, etc, etc...yet again time. But one

Help... Am thankful for my day-maid who comes in. It gives me occasional breaks from these mundane tasks on a regular basis and that's a welcomed break. I look forward to those few afternoons when I can steal half an hour or so to do my gardening.. weeding and pottering around. It's therapeutic.... And the ever presence of books. I am glad I enjoy reading. I am glad Dad humoured me and got me all those books to read when I was growing up. Books are good companions, great teachers, a place to be immersed, to grow and learn... at my own pace.

Kids... Classes for my girl and boy... sort of a homeschooling thingy with them and their friends. I guess I should feel happy that both still want me to teach where lessons are concerned. You know how it is kids and their parents.... but I guess in a way, this is also my Dad's legacy to me and his grandkids. I used to follow Dad around for his tuition classes and I remember enjoying his classes very much.

But I guess I won't be always running on the max... am feeling a little worn out at this point... stuff piling up, pressure building up... but I am going to try to put a lid to the stress thingy.... sometimes I worry that one more event, or one more SOS will tip the whole delicate equilibrium into chaos....

2 comments:

monay said...

Keep it up my friend... I totally understand you and I have no day help even...:) And I love books too! Yesterday night all 3 months of my National geographic came (just renewed my subscription)and we were ooh-aahing over the articles and pictures. Right now, Ann Voskamp's One thousand gifts : A dare to live fully right where you are, is sitting on my desk. I wonder when I can find the time to read it and what I can glean from it... Someday, not now, we'll have plenty of time for rest.. :)

PreciousPearl said...

aiyoh, gotta slow down and enjoy life too....