Of sons and daughters...

"These days, even us, Chinese are beginning to feel that daughters are better than sons. Sons get married and follow their wives. They seldom come home to see their parents or show concern about their parents well-being." .. the conversation was between a Malay (lady) bank officer and her Chinese (man) client. I was forced to eavesdrop cos they were talking so loudly.

Sons... they are important cos they carry the family surname. Sons are supposed to take care of their parents. Married sons used to live with their parents. They are expected to take care of their parents. A husband could divorce his wife if she does not produce a son.... (I guess they didn't know the story of the boy sperm and girl sperm). Women used to take more crap when ignorance ruled.

Enter the 21st century. My parents' generation are beginning to find out that their emancipated daughters generally show more concern about their well-being. Daughters are more likely to check on their parents, get into action to see to their needs, call regularly just to chat.

Sons on the other hand seems to act only when a call is made out, an SOS sent or a prodding from their sisters. I hear many laments from parents about sons these days. And they're mostly the same... that their sons don't seem to show much concern about them and that they seem to show more concern to their wife's family. So, these parents naturally felt dejected.

Where once daughters married into her husband's family and had no other means, today's daughters have their own independence. Many actually have their own means. Some even wear the pants of the family. With practice from dealing with bigger things at work and also dough in their pocket, they are able to do more for themselves and their parents. I think confidence level among women has never been higher.

Sons and daughters... I also hear a lot of the older generation telling themselves and their friends, sometimes to the younger generation.... daughters are better than sons. It used to be parents were assured that their sons will take care of them in their old age. But these days, many are realizing that their daughters seem to show more promise. Many hearts are disappointed... many values are at the verge of being reshaped.

Sons, daughters... I think they should show the same concern for their parents. Sons could do more, I feel. But men usually want the least problems in their lives. Wives and in-law relationships have always tended to be stickier. Today's wife no longer want to be subjected to her mother-in-law. Mini frictions tend to lead to tensions which bring on cracks in the relationship. And the wife inadvertently steers away from her in-laws, with her sometimes oblivious (sometimes conveniently) husband in tow. There used not to be any choice cos sons were expected to live with their parents. So, things had to work out regardless.... It's not their sons don't care. Men tend be more oblivious often times or it could be they just find all this emotional intricacies too much of a hassle. So, the kind of concern that a parent would hope from their sons... it's just hard to find it materializing.

Bottom line - relationships are difficult. Even though it's among 2 sets of parents and their offsprings joined in matrimony, to get a synchronous and harmonious relationship is already complicated enough.