When work gets too personal...

One of the things which struck me is how the work places I've been lost their professionalism over the years. I was uncomfortable early on in my career to be asked to address an older lady as 'Kak'. To this day, I still don't unless in special circumstances, which is rare. I think, being professional we should just address each other by name.

If I call a person Kak (short for Kakak which means sister in Bahasa Malaysia), I supposed that means I have a hubungan akrab with her; unless it's just a lip service thingy like many things around us now. Recently I was told that because I carried out my task in a certain way, it affects the hubungan akrab that I have with this particular colleague. I immediately shot back and said we never had any hubungan akrab; working relationship yes, akrab definitely no.

Anyway, if I am akrab with a person, I would watch out for her well-being. If I know that she is not happy about certain developments, I would do my best to resolve the matter. If I am akrab to the person, I would sit down and try to find out what is making her unhappy and try to sort out the unhappiness. I'd reason with her, make her see the error of her ways. That's what akrab is... not just lip service!

If I call a person Kak, I won't mengumpat (bitch) behind her back. Neither would she me. If someone puts me in a negative light, she'd would stand up for me. She won't go and tambah minyak and crucify me by driving in the final nails. So, if a younger teacher calls me Kak, it'd mean I've to take her under my wings and guide her in the manner should... That I feel sometimes is a heavy burden to bear. So I usually tell the younger teachers to call me by name. We're colleagues anyway. And I'm no way offended cos I know if I do things for the right reasons, respect would be there. I don't have to demand it from them. Respect is earned... I think many of us have forgotten that. These days, we deem respect as a birthright or something owed to us because we've undergone certain passages of time.

If I call a person Kak, my relationship with her would go beyond the confines of the workplace. I'd take the trouble to check on her if she is not well and vice versa. I'd pay social visits or even just drop her a line or two when I think of her occasionally.

My 'Kak'... I have one. And yes, I love my own Kak. I have respect for her; and it's mutual. We do things differently but so far, after over 40 years, we still have a good personal and even working relationship (we work together on family problems). We correct each other, temper each other's frustrations, encourage, admonish each other. We have a far from perfect relationship but she'd fit the bill of a Kak.... not all this pseudo Kak(s) who sometimes can be rather venomous and self-serving.... or worse still expect you to follow them blindly. Ketuanan at work here also. These days, I notice to be a leader means you want people to kowtow and listen to you. They're not interested to work together.. they're more interested in doing things their way, even if it sometimes does not benefit the institution... It's not so much about doing things right any more, it's more about show than anything. Kinda disappointing. Mean what you say, say what you mean.

And if I call a person Kak, then I'd probably get too emo and expect more from her. And when she disappoints her own self-appointment, I'd get frustrated. It's better not to have those personal feelings. Personal feelings heightens expectations... and it goes both ways. It can be expectations for personal favours, etc, etc... which in the end can sometimes be bad.

So, I wish we'd just cut out this calling of Kak. Respect is mutual. I may respect you as being older (means if I am in the LRT and there is no empty seat, I'd still give mine to you) or your position, but it doesn't mean that I have to respect you as a person when hypocrisy is all I see.

Once upon a time, I had a boss who only seemed to know how masuk his own bakul and angkat tinggi-tinggi. He seemed nice enough as a person, but as a leader of an institution, he would not be missed. His presence actually did more harm cos he perpetuated bad practice. How do you respect one who makan gaji buta like that? Yet all around him sing praises of him... people seemed to be lying through their teeth. Well again, maybe that's the only version of truth they know cos they are like that too.... And guess what also, for mentioning such things, I'd be labelled as showing no respect... Can you hear the Woof! Woof! calls, beckoning our country?