The Pitfalls of Grandparenting...

Doting grandparents... that's what the kids of this gen are experiencing. But grandparenting as we know it today is actually a new phenomena. In the 18th century, you would be lucky if you lived past the age of 35. By the turn of the 20th century, the figure had risen to 50. 50 years of age is considered relatively young by today's standard. 2000 years ago, if you lived to the age of 25, you'd be considered old. The most famous mummy (as in mummified body), King Tut was believed to have lived 17 years. He'd probably be considered as having a 'normal' lifespan back in his days. And that's also one reason why people married early those days. In China girls were betrothed as young as 7, some at infancy!

Grandparents actually are good for our kids. They carry with them a wealth of life's experiences... many grandparents actually lived through tumultuous periods like WWII. They've seen how life has changed dramatically and are the living artifacts of wealth of wisdom (many times over) to pass on.... yet there are pitfalls of grandparenting as I'm seeing.

All my grandparents lived beyond 80. My maternal grandmother even hit beyond the century mark. But I saw very little of her in her last years... that's one of my regrets in life. I have the clearest recollections of her of all my grandparents; wry and small stature, I would tower over her even when I was 12; she'd tell us to pick any toy (my uncle ran a sundry shop) we fancied from those hanging in the shop during our visits. As she grew older, she spent most of her time on a wooden box (those that they use to transport fish) outside the shop, puffing away on her home-rolled cigarette. She would even let us try and taught us how to roll it. The kid in me enjoyed sitting with her sometimes, listening to her ramble, in her China Hokkien which I had difficulty understanding. And the teenager in me used to wonder what went through her mind as I watch her from near and afar, a silent figure on the box. Sometimes I'd sit with her.

A longer life expectancy and greater demands of today's life also means children are making more demands on their grandparent-stage parents. Better health grand also contributes. Many grandparents have been asked to take care of their grandchildren while their parents keep to their busy schedule. It's parenting second time over... not a very good idea, I personally feel.

I think parenting is part of our rites of passage. Parenting has a role in our lives. It forces us to take responsible for lives other than our own. That actually sets off and cements a whole series and chains of self realization. It helps us appreciate our own parents too. Take that away from a young couple, and you delay their 'growing up'. One can never fully understand how much crap they gave their own parents until their own kids start giving them the same. One would never be able to give the smug advice until they realize that teenagers can be the greatest challenge to unconditional love and perseverance.... in the process make you realize how unconditional the love of your parents to you too!

Grandparents should be grandparents. They should dot on their grandchildren, spoil them even but as grandparents and not their primary caregivers. Cos second time around as 'parents' too they tend to be more accommodating; often at the cost of discipline. The result is grandchildren who can tend to be rather spoilt. And sometimes a lot of blaming takes place too...

Grandparents... kids this generation are a blessed lot. They have more than one set of people who love them!